[90's Child]

Originally Posted by The Leader

Oh God, it's like my high school creative writing class all over again.

Guess what?! I AM a high school student (age 17).

Well, I can see that the responses to my story have ranged from "This sucks" to "Das est shizer" to "Cast it into the pit, for it will damn us all" to "I will cut your throat and kill you in your sleep". But could someone please provide some sort of actual constructive criticism rather than "U R teh sUcks LawlS". Ya know, something to help me improve on my apparently craptacular writing. Here's chapters 2 and 3, all the chapters I have made for it so far, to serve as MST3K bait and fuel for much collective merriment at my expence:

Chapter 2-

Moist tears glistened on Lou’s cheeks as he ran down the long corridors of trees. He was somewhat lagging behind his mother as he ran, awkwardly loping along on four limbs. His new hind legs were awkward to run on, so he ran quadrupedaly, although it was actually quite awkward in itself. His thoughts as he ran were scattered and muddled, with so many questions, so much sadness, so much fear. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he thought, cold and wet as they inlaid themselves in his fur. Yet he ran onwards. It was at least a distraction from his current plight, and it felt… well it felt… kind of… good. He didn’t know where his mother was taking them, just that it would be somewhere that they could be safe, somewhere with people like them. So he followed her onward.

After they ran for a while, Lou saw a blurry light in the distance. As he moved forward he saw the faint outline of a cabin, light streaming out of the windows as he moved forward. “Is this the place?” Lou wondered as he came closer and closer to the woodland cabin. Suddenly, his mother came to an abrupt stop. Lou tried to do likewise, although he did hurt his paws (were they called paws or hands now, he didn’t really know) as he skidded to a halt. As he brought himself to his feet, his mother looked at him and said nervously “Lou, I want you to wait while I go talk to someone”. Lou could see that her face was full of worry, as though she herself was unsure of what exactly was going to happen, her eyes shifting two and fro fretfully. As his mother walked up to the cabin, Lou took a quick look at it. It was an ordinary cabin by anyone’s standards, about the size of a small house, not really anything out of the ordinary in its appearance. The only difference was that the cabin and its door appeared to be a bit taller than one usually would expect. Lou wondered why that was, although he could hazard a guess.

Lou heard his mother knock on the door, and from inside the cabin, Lou could hear a few footsteps walking towards it, a sigh and then a voice saying “Who in the hell would be around here at this hou-“. Lou could see a small flap near the door open and then a pair of shocked looking eyes. Lou couldn’t quite understand why at the moment, but something appeared fairly unusual about them, a strange glow or something of the sort, gleaming in the distance.

“Lisa?!” the voice said, “Is that you? Oh my god. Why did you…”. “Come back? I’ll tell you inside” Lisa said. The door opened and Lisa quickly went inside. As Lou waited, he could hear a faint murmuring inside the cabin. After a few moments, the door opened and Lou’s mother came out. “Lou, will you please come into the cabin.”, she asked in a worried voice, her head down, looking somewhat apprehensive and concerned. Lou awkwardly stood up on his feet and slowly wobbled his way to the cabin. As he brought himself up the steps, he looked into the door, and was awestruck at what he saw.

Werewolves. Huddled around the door. Looking at him. Lou felt very awkward, having all those odd eyes on him. It was embarrassing, especially like this.

After a few moments of them staring each other, Lou finally started to walk into the room, stumbling a bit clumsily as he did so… And then he proceeded to trip and fall flat on his face. More uncomfortable silence. “So,” one of the werewolves stepped out and said, “this is your son, Lisa?” .He was not the one whom answered the door, but a different one. He appeared to be the leader of the group, mainly through the manner at which the other werewolves responded to him, his rugged figure and his powerful stance. “Is he…”. “Yes,” Lisa responded to the leader, “He’s James’ son.”. Lou remembered that name, the name of his father, of whom he knew nothing more than a first name. His mother never told him much else, and when he tried to ask her, she got a certain faraway, sad look in her eyes. As though she was remembering something sad that had happened years ago.

Lou helped himself up, wobbling a little bit as he stood. The other werewolves were eyeing him, not so much with suspicion as with a feeling of oddness, as well as a little pity for the boy. He stumbled up upon his feet and tried to look around the room, trying to look less scared than he actually felt inside, and failing miserably might I add, as his mannerisms gave him away. As he got up, the leader said “Well kid, I think we’ve got a whooooole lot of explaining to do. So, why don’tcha go over there and sit down so we can talk.” And with that, he pointed to the back of the room, where a semi-circle of chairs were standing. Lou looked at the spot and started wobbling towards the closest chair. And he others followed suit. But as Lou’s mother came forward, the leader came and held out his hand as if to stop her. “I’m sorry Lisa,” he said in an almost regretful tone, “But I just don’t think you’re in any state to help him with this. And besides,” he said with a small intonation of anger and disgust in his voice, “You didn’t tell him when you had the chance.”.

Lou sat down on the chair, slowly though as to avoid hurting his tail. He sat down, a little scared and apprehensive from wondering what was going to happen now. His eyes darted around the room nervously, sort of at least trying to assess his situation. The leader also looked a bit indeceisive, trying to think of what the hell to ask the kid to calm him down from what surely must have been a shocking, unthinkably terrifying event for the boy. “So kid,” the leader said, “I know you’re probably incredibly, horribly, mind numbingly scared right now.”. Lou nodded his head timidly. “So could ya… talk to us kid? Tell us how you’re feeling right now”. Lou was silent for a few moments thinking of how to respond to him, how to tell him all the jumbled thoughts whirling around his head. And then he spoke.

“W-…w-…well. I … I’m scared. I’m scared because… I’m not human anymore. I’m just… just… a monster. And I’ll never be able to go back.” Lou gave a small sob, breathing tremulous breaths, his eyes welling up with tears as he continued to speak. “I don’t know what to say, but, oh god this has been a living hell for me. The dreams were one thing, but now this. Do you know how it feels to have the very sanctity of your body violated? Do you know how it feels to see your body twisted, and turned and broken? Do you know how it feels to look at youself being mutilated from within and ask why, why in god’s name is this happening to me? Do You?! I had to hide it from everyone. Friends, family, everyone. As my body warped itself, I had to hide it from everyone I ncold dark palces, nobody to hear my screams of pain. Oh god, and the worst was tonight. Cold sweat running down my body as it screamed in pain, every pore on my body burning in agony. And I could see my best friend, looking at me. Looking me like I was a monster. I…

As Lou continued onwards in tears, the leader of the pack sat there looking confused, as if he didn’t quite know what to do with the poor sobbing boy in front of him. Just then a voice piped up from amongst the others, and it appeared to be the same one who met his mother at the door. “Permission to speak Kanis?” he said. “Permission granted Jack,” the leader said “go ahead.” . “Lou,” Jack said in a kind voice “What does it feel like? To be one of us?” “Well,” Lou said, wiping away some of the tears from his eyes, crying a little less now, “Nothing feels right. I feel like I’m a pot that came out wrong. I’m tripping over my own feet, I can’t walk, everything smells strange, my ears are ringing from the noise, all over I feel, strange. And I’m not sure I like it. I feel like I’m some inhuman thing. A sick, horrible, grotesque…”.
“Hold on, hold on.” Jack interrupted, in a somewhat intrigued tone, “Have you actually seen what you look like kid? I mean in a mirror or something like that, not just a quick glance at yourself?”. Lou sniffled a little and said “No. But… it just feels so wrong, so god damn wrong. I know I look horrifying, I just know it!”. Jack sighed and said “Kid, why don’t you go over there and take a good look at yourself.”. He pointed at the far right side of the room, and at the exact spot where he pointed Lou saw a large mirror. Lou wobbled up and said “I don’t know how that’s going to help. But alright…”. Lou slowly stumbled over to the mirror, his eyes snapped shut for fear of what he might see as he got closer.

He slowly opened his eyes, hesitating from the anticipation of what horrible sight would meet his eyes when he opened them. But as he opened them, he was quite surprised by what he saw. Not the warped, broken creature he had expected to see, but a rather different image in the mirror’s glass. He saw a powerful, muscular, gigantic beast, with fur of black, and eyes of golden blue. It was not a thing of horror but a thing of sheer, unique wonder.

I… I…” Lou sputtered out as he looked at himself in the mirror. “See kiddo,” Jack said, looking glad that he was getting through to Lou “it’s not so bad.” At that moment Kanis broke in and said “So, I can see that Jack has helped you out of your misery a bit. I know you’re probably confused as all fuck right now kid about what the hell is going on, but that’s what we’re here for.”. “By the way,” Lou piped in, as he had wanted to ask this question ever since he had got there “What in the hey sort of group is this?.”. “Well,” Kanis said, his voice sounding like he had been waiting for Lou to ask this question “we’re a group of werewolves like yourself, one of many such groups, and what we do is basically serve as a sort of family-away-from-family for other werewolves, helping each other out when one of us is in a jam, and all that sort of stuff. Everyone here calls it a pack, but I never liked calling it that. Too damn corny for my tastes.” “Anyway,” Kanis continued “you’re probably thinking that this is some sort of horrible curse, a cross you’ll have to bear, and other things like that. But I think you’ll learn to accept it soon. Hell, you might even come to enjoy it.”

“Well, that’s about it,” Kanis said, getting up from his seat, “Kid, why dontcha take a look around here, maybe talk to some of the others your age.” Lou slowly teetered up out of his seat, and as he did several others stood up too.

Chapter 3

Lou stood in the middle of the cabin, looking at the other group that was forming. There were three of them in there, all appearing to be around his age. One of them was a male of light-brown fur color, with an aggressive, brooding look on his face. He was muscular, and would have been considered tall if he were a human, but amongst the other werewolves, he looked rather small. His stance was as though he was trying to make himself look bigger as he moved, although Lou could tell that it didn’t help very much. Another one of them was about average size among werewolves, with thick blonde fur. He was jovial looking, wagging his tail and smiling, and Lou noticed that he had the most wolflike mannerisms of the three. The third one was a female of decent appearance, a brunette of a slightly lighter shade than Lou, a bit of a puzzled look on her face.
“So, what do ya think of the new guy?” the blonde one queried, cocking his head to the side a little.
“He’s weak” muttered the short one, sulking a bit more as the words passed through his lips.
“Weak, what the hell are you talking about Ben?” The blonde one queried “He’s huge, even for us! Built like a tank!”
Ben sighed, shook his head and said “I meant emotionally. He’s an emotional weakling, a complete fucking pussy.”
“Just face it,” piped in the girl, “You’re just jealous.”
“Kara’s right.” The blonde one chimed in “You do have quite the inferiority complex”
Ben’s nostrils flared and he gave a short, low growl.
“Say what you want,” he glowered, his voice slowly rising, “But I am not going to let this overgrown omega intrude…” He stopped.
The other two were looking nervous and pointing subtly right behind him. Ben looked confused and then realized “He’s right behind me isn’t he?”.
And indeed he was.
”Um…. Hi?” Lou muttered awkwardly, sort of embarrassed at his interruption of the conversation.
“Um… Hey new guy.” The blonde one said, with a tone of both nervousness and welcoming. “Why dontcha…. Take a seat.”
Lou pulled up the one empty chair in the room and stumbled down to sit.
“So, what’s your name?” The blonde one asked, leaning towards Lou and sniffing at him, which made Lou a little uncomfortable.
“Uh.. Lou Garou” Lou said shyly.
The three others looked at each other with a look of puzzlement in their faces “Well, that’s an… interesting name.” the blonde one said. “My name’s Timothy. The lovely lady over here is named Kara” He said as he motioned over to the girl who sheepishly waved hello “and the short guy with issues over there is Ben” he said as he pointed over to Ben who gave a soft growl of displeasure at Timothy’s comment. “Relax Ben; just joking with you” Timothy responded, obviously worried about pissing Ben off even though he was twice Ben’s size.
“So,” Kara said, trembling a little as she spoke and trying to keep from blushing, “why don’t you tell us a little about yourself?”
“Okay,” Lou said trying to steady his tongue to speak “well, I consider myself a shy, quiet person, kind of a geek. I live in a small house on Oak Street, it’s not that much but it’s decent. My best friend’s name is Jeremy, although most people call him Cell…”
“Hold on,” Timothy said, “is he the same guy as that one hero, that up-and-comer with the weird powers? The hero whom, no matter how good he does, the newspapers only put him on page 7?”
“Yeah,” Lou said, in an oddly casual matter given the subject, “that’s him. He’s a pretty nice guy, although sometimes he’s way too trusting and it’s pretty easy for me to get tangled up in whatever hero stuff he’s doing, but overall he’s a great guy. He’s been my friend ever since we were kids and…” Lou’s face darkened as he spoke “He was the one who saw me change tonight. He was okay with it. I don’t know what’s going to happen now though. Whether I’ll be able to go on with my life. How many secrets will I have to keep? How much will I have to hide? Everything feels so uncertain. I… I…”. The others, Ben excepted, looked upon him with pity, thinking about how worried they would have been if they had no idea what was going on during their first change.
“Hey, kid, don’t worry.” Kara said, trying to be nice and calm him down “Sure, things will be a little different. But you’ll still be able to live a at least semi-normal life..”
“Yeah.” Timothy replied “I really don’t see why you’re so upset. Being a werewolf is actually pretty damn cool.”
“Says the guy who asked to be changed.” Ben muttered under his breath, just loud enough for everyone to hear.
“Ben!” Kara said.
“Timothy’s right though.” Ben spoke, this time a little louder, bitterness infusing his every word “He’s pathetic, blubbering when he should be thanking his lucky stars for what he’s got. He’s a weak omega-at-heart.”
“Would you please stop being such a vindictive bastard?” Kara sighed, a little bit of annoyance sounding in her voice.
“I’m just saying.” Ben curtly replied as he slumped back down in his chair, giving Lou a dirty “I’m watching you” sort of look.
Timothy leaned over to Lou and whispered, “Don’t worry about Ben. He’s like that to everyone.”
……………………………………………………………………………………………
“So, what do ya think of the kid?” Kanis said, “Seems like a good kid, a fine addition to the pack, but I want to ask what you think”. He and the other werewolves were huddled in a circle of chairs on the side of the room that was opposite to the circle where Lou was at that moment. He held a small child in his lap, human but in a small pair of wolf footie pajamas, appearing to be intently listening to every word being said, but I digress.
“Well,” Jack said, “He seems like a quiet, shy soul. A very shy sort of person whom doesn’t like to be in the limelight.”
“I don’t really think you could tell that much about him from hearing him speak for just a few minutes.” A female piped up.
Kanis just gave a wry grin and answered back “You’d be surprised by how much you can learn from just hearing someone react to their first change.”
“Erm, excuse me,” a voice said. It was from a male with black fur and a small crucifix around his neck, sitting next to the aforementioned female. They both had similar rings on, and appeared to be married. “You’re all forgetting something: the issue of Lisa, and whether we should let her back in.”
Kanis gave a shrug and said “Well, it’s kind of a non-issue at this point. Although that… incident and its aftermath was horrible, and it will take some time to mend that wound, we’ll still have to suck it up. For the good of the boy.”
“I would have to disagree with that statement” came a low growl.
It came from a male, his face in shadow, eyes cold; intelligent and cruel, burns speckling his body, or what one would consider burns if one didn’t know what he was.
“We shouldn’t admit either of them. The boy is but a child, a child in a world of wolves. He is a soft person in a hard shell, worth nothing to us. And Lisa… She left of her own will. She should know that you can never come back when you leave like that. Leave her to the cold.”
Kanis stood up, the child stepping off his lap and ducking behind the chair in fear, fur bristling and a small growl coming through in his speech “I’d punch you in your damn face for that comment Wagner, except for I’d have to touch you to do so. And you’re one to talk.”
Wagner was about to answer back, when a young female, whom looked to be about in her early twenties, and bore a striking resemblance to the other female, whom was her mother as it was. “Guys, guys, settle down.” She said, holding her arms out as to stop the fight “Other than Wagner, whom thinks that Lisa should be kept out of the pack?”. Nobody raised any hands.
“Jennifer’s right.” Kanis said, sitting down in a huff, “So it’s agreed then. Everyone whom matters,” Kanis intoned with a note of bitterness, glaring at Wagner “says she should be readmitted.” Everyone nodded except for Wagner, whom just scowled.
“I’ll go get her” Kanis said as he lifted himself from his chair. “Poor girl.” He muttered to himself, “Just been waiting over there wondering what’s gonna happen to her.”

She had been waiting near the door for what must have felt like ages, although it was actually only about half an hour. She had watched, worried about what would happen to Lou, how they would treat him. She could hear what they were saying at first, but it got lost in the cacophony of voices speaking. And so she waited, worrying and worrying. After a while, she saw Kanis come over to her. “Is he… okay?”
“He was a bit distraught at first” Kanis said, “but he’s at least somewhat OK now.”
“So… what now?”
“Well, the pack has decided that you can rejoin us. That is, if you want to..”
“Of course, of course I do.”
“Well, that’s good then…”
They both stood there for a few minutes, the silence so awkward that it could trip on itself.
“Well, I think it’s about time for everyone to hit the hay.” Kanis said awkwardly to try and break the silence.
As Kanis announced to the pack that it was time for lights out, Timothy said “Awww, and we were having such a good conversation too.”
“I’ll get the sleeping bags,” Jack said as he walked over to a nearby wardrobe, “I think we have a few spares we keep around. Though I don’t know if I have any in your size.” Out of the wardrobe, he grabbed several very large sleeping bags and passed them around to the various pack members. Lou took his, rolled it out on the floor, and tried to get in. He had to keep it unzipped a little to fit in, and even then it was a little uncomfortable. Oh well. As he tried to get to sleep, he contemplated on the dizzying flurry of events that happened that day. The transformation, the chase, the reveal of the others. He pondered in thought about it, wondering about what would come to happen. No matter he thought as he drifted off to sleep.


Also, as an FYI, I didn't put in the profiles because you need them to understand the story (you don't), but instead to give you a little backstory for these minor characters that will probably pop up in another work of mine. And you can move it to the comics section.

:EDIT: I added my second, marginally less craptastic draft for all to see.