My mom went out to dinner last night with an older neighbor of hers who is really,
really into going out to restaurants.
She's very hard to please and has strict criteria...when she orders iced tea, they have to telepathically know to bring her a bowl of lemon wedges on the side, otherwise it's a "bad waitress".
They can't play the background music at more than a whisper because then people couldn't hear her talk.
And they need to be all right with her holding the table for up to 4 hours if that's how long she wants to sit there.
She goes out to lunch 5 times a week and dinner almost as often, so I'm sure all the area restaurant people know her by now.
Anyway, last night she managed to set her menu on fire on the table candle, then loudly complained that the music (a live musician at a grand piano) was too loud and needed to be turned down. When informed that the live musician wasn't going to play more quietly so she could be heard, she got mad and insisted that they be moved into a private dining area away from the piano.
I'm pretty glad I missed that one.
edit: She has an outdated "tip card" to calculate tip, and she follows it to a penny, literally. I have seen her count out dimes, nickels and pennies to leave $1.32 or whatever.