Srsly, here is Paranormal Activity.
 Spoilers! |
Guy and his girlfriend live in some house in San Diego. Guy has gotten a camera because "weird stuff" has been happening in the house and he wants to capture it. The first twenty to thirty minutes of the movie, NOTHING AT ALL HAPPENS. You just see the guy and girl hanging out and talking to the camera, him doing various douchebag-hipster things and her knitting and making jewelry (she claims to be in college, but you never see any books or papers at all).
So every night they go to bed and they hook the camera up to his laptop to keep it running all night. Various not-that-scary shit happens. Sometimes they even sleep through it. Other times they run around the house OUT OF THEIR FUCKING MINDS, demanding to know who's there. Between the sleep sessions, there is more boring talking and interaction with the camera.
The girl gets a psychic to come to the house and he tells her that there's a demon that's been haunting her since she was a kid. She can't get away from it and trying to contact it will only make it worse. You never see the demon. At one point the douchebag boyfriend spreads baby powder on the floor and when they wake up there are "demon footprints" in the powder. OOOH, SCAAAARRRYYY.
Eventually the d-bag boyfriend pisses the demon off by getting a ouija board and everything escalates (if you can count knocking, swaying chandeliers and opening/closing doors as escalating). At the end of the movie, depending on which version you see, either the girlfriend dies, the boyfriend dies, or they both die. But you were never inspired to give much of a shit about them anyway so it doesn't matter. And then they try to make it out like this is actual footage confiscated by the police and the movie is dedicated to their "memory". Like that hasn't been done before AT ALL. |
As I said, it was the WORST movie I have ever seen and I think the biggest utter-fucking-waste of time I've ever seen. It was like Blair Witch except nothing happened. It was awful.