[Colonel Flagg]

I thought this was funny.

David Letterman's Top Ten Washington Wizards Explanations

10."When you're only 6'4" 215 pounds, you need some protection"
9."Team recently signed an exclusive endorsement deal with Smith and Wesson"
8."Sick of Tiger getting all the attention"
7."Secret Santa rules didn't say, 'No firearms'"
6."Two players can't pull guns over a locker room gambling dispute? What is this, Russia?"
5."Uh, swine flu?"
4."When you're the Washington Wizards, any press is good press"
3."Wanted gun close by in case team tried to trade me to the Nets"
2."Coach didn't specify what kind of pre-game shootaround it was"
1."My exploding underpants weren't working"