[Guitar Woman]

Welcome to the wonderful world of internet game criticism! We won't pay you for your efforts, and nobody is going to read your articles, assuming your editors even get off their fat asses and upload them within the next decade. Also, as we abhor anything that might discuss a topic in a thoughtful manner, we're going to have to ask you to keep your articles under 1,000 words.

And I could handle the first two, but oh, fencing with the big wigs about article length. It's like they're allergic to in-depth game exploration, and don't realize that we are, in fact, on the internet, an entity capable of essentially infinite data storage. They also seem to glean sexual pleasure from rejecting perfectly servicable shit. I thought the point of editors was quality control, so that you could bounce your work back and forth until they helped you pop all the zits and polish it to perfection, but I guess everything I learned in J103 was a big fat fabrication and they're really out to fuck you in the eye socket.

Maybe I should just start drinking again.