[Anonymous]

holay makaronah thanks for the encouragement and sympathy

about rog talking about me and hating my art or overthinking it or whatnot... well if I ever actually liked it or was satisfied by something I did I would probably stop doing it. Then the 'problem' would be solved, because that's what it feels like to me - that I am solving a problem. So it's ok to hate what you do SOMETIMES.
(not with a job though. that's whole different hate)

but I agree with dole about trying to make a living off of it can kill it. I think that makes me overthink things in a bad way. In a "can I sell this" way. So that is why I have more recently really tried not to even think about that sort of success or whatever. I just need to work on it and not worry about it (this also related to what Max said about the process being more important. If I have to worry about making money, the end product is what becomes more important to me)

anyway, there is a lot in this thread I will need to think about

I had that job interview thing today. At least the people seem decent so if I get it I think that would be ok for now.

Late this afternoon I took a nap and had a FARM NIGHTMARE. So I think that killed my farm dreams. It was wicked frightening. At the end of the nightmare I literally 'put a lid on it' (the farm. a giant lid). But I am still going to start a window box, amd maybe someday I will have a fairly big garden and I can have a stand at the side of the road to sell my lettuce and peas.

I feel bad for everyone else who is miserable. I don't think it is necessary. It's just a matter of figuring out something that you wold enjoy and that is reasonably obtainable. What do I know I am still miserable. What I can't understand is why there are people in these jobs who are miserable themselves and hate it (managing/exec positions) who feel the need to inflict misery on everyone else. You would think they would be understanding and try to make things better.