[Phoenix Gamma]

Go it for Christmas.

This game is doritos. You try some, then the next thing you know, you've had way too many, and you look at yourself in the mirror and remind yourself that you're sitting at home eating shitty food instead of going outside and doing something worthwhile. Then you eat more shitty food anyways because you can't stop.

The game part of the game blows. Combat requires no skill on the player's part beyond having bigger numbers, and the game is as structurally stable as my grandmother. I'm not saying other games have perfect programming, I'm just saying I've never played a $60 game where I got stuck in the ground repeatedly in my first 3 hours of playtime before. Bethesda can't code for shit and I'm a little pissed that they get away with sloppy products over and over.

The story kinda sucks too. The only reason I've put in the 14 hours I have so far is because it's fun to exploit the silly mechanics. And because there were brief moments where legitimately cool battles have played out (I angered a large group of bandits. Then a dragon came mid battle. I had Lydia and those two farts who start the Blades with me, so it was actually a very large fight).

But as soon as a better game comes along, Lyndis' lesbian warlord adventure is coming to an end.