[Miss Modular]

Gary Coleman's agenda.

Point One: Gary hates politicians!

If there's one class of people Gary Coleman despises, it's career politicians who play games with our tax dollars, while the little guy gets diddly-squat. If elected, he promises to give those Sacramento fat cats what for. "I'd kick in the ass every member of the House that had more than two secretaries," he snarls. "Because that's a waste of public funds. I believe that public service means just that: service. And I'd kick the ass of everyone who had their little pet projects and issues that had nothing to do with keeping California solvent and attracting corporations here." When this newspaper told him that during the recent budget deadlock, members of the state legislature were seen smoking cigars and drinking what appeared to be expensive Scotch on the capitol building balcony, Gary wigged out and vowed to "find them and put my size four-and-a-halfs so deep into their colon!"

Sounds like a plan!