[LordSappington]

Okay, boyo, here's my advice: Get your sorry sack off that couch and let go of the bong for a while. Take a shower, put on a day-old t-shirt and jeans you haven't washed in three weeks. Walk over to wherever this nice chick is, or take the bus for added effect. Walk over to her, and invite her to your place for a dicking session. Word it exactly like that; women love being objectified. They eat that shit up.
Then reach orgasm in thirty seconds and bawl into her shoulder for the next hour about how life isn't fair and you just want to be loved