Just jump in front of an expensive car, take the broken leg or whatever, and bring a lawsuit.
Put a human finger (and don't pretend you don't have any lying around
) at the bottom of a bottle of whatever girly drink you drink and bring a lawsuit.
Eat a lot of fast food, get morbidly obese, and bring a lawsuit.
Say a priest molested you and... that wouldn't work, actually. You're not a boy.