[wobzire]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
If by change you mean get. Then no.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
I find Non-cartoon boobs intimidating.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
I would tell you it was my boss but i would continue pretending to be a man.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
I would be too out of breath to muster an "Oh my god please forgive me"

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
I'm a cat person

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
Bad how? like micheal jackson or like the power glove?

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Try to remember where I hid my really bad porn.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
The new Batman movies taught us that lies are good.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
Ask you if you have come across any really bad porn.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
I don't smoke.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
Yes.

12. have you read them?
No.

13. did you really go to college?
Yes, but they chased me under a table and ran around the table and so if I tried to get out they would run into me and it was kindergarden actually.

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
You wont have to. Also you wont be able to.And if you are able to talk with a gag in your mouth from beneath a foot of goats blood you have earned your right to say whatever you want in my opinion

15. do you talk in cliches?
No I speak in internet memes kthxbye