I think it's actually very humorous that you could take a site like that with statistics like that very seriously. So if you'd made that initial post as a joke, well then Mission Accomplished, but not in the way you intended... ie you made people laugh, but in my case, it's because that was just godawfully stupid.
I think it's safe to assume that you had the "hat" statistic because you experienced it personally. I can see you wearing a baseball cap the right way. Poised, confident, ready to take on the world, and then a FREAK twist of fate comes in the form of a strong wind, which shifts the cap on your cranium towards the opposite direction, resulting in a phenomenom known as the dreaded Spinal Twist. In layman's terms, this means that the hat was shifted so violently that inside of your body, your spinal cord as well as the column twists upon itself like some kind of marrow infused corkscrew, rendering all functions of the central autonomic nervous system either ineffective or massively slowed. All messages sent from the brain are therefore either not received, or they just make it much slower, which puts on an outer appearance of stupor, confusion, bewilderment, even temporary insanity.*
*since quoting another website, even a bullshit one, makes it official and therefore dogmatic law, I have pulled all this information from
http://www.ijustmadeallofthisup.com/...lup/index.html