This isn't really a "Bedroom Story," but it's true.
So my girlfriend had teased me all one night. She wouldn't let me do anything, but she thought it'd be a great idea to give me some crazy blue balls.
The next morning she teased me even more. It was pretty awful really. After about an hour of this she had to get up and go to work. I just went back to sleep because it was early.
Well when I woke up a couple hours later I was in complete pain. I've always heard about blue balls hurting n shit, but this was the real deal. My lower stomach felt like it had knots in it and I could feel my swollen jewels in almost every step I took. I thought this would simply go away after an hour or so, well, it didn't.
It's now about 2pm and I'm just like, "Fuck this! I can barely walk."
I go into the bathroom to rub one out because I guess I thought that would cure me.
Well we kept the cat in the bathroom for about 75% of the day because he would spray EVERYWHERE, so fuck having your apartment smelling like piss.
I walk into the bathroom and throw the cat outside. It's time for "MattJack Time."
I grab her smell-good lotion and proceed with beating up my little german soldier. After some time, I explode like a damn porn star
I couldn't control my aim, but who can? I cracked open an eye during this epic event, and saw that I had been shooting across the bathroom
and landing it all in the cat's bowl the whole time.
I'm so sorry Chewy. I washed your bowls, but I know you got a keen sense of taste
