[Fathom Zero]

UPDATE: AUGUST 4th

Part 3

Journal Entry 06 or 7, I can't remember. July 24, 2006.

I had to leave my mum's house yesterday at six, as usual. My aunt was
there. I can't tell you where she lives, because someone I don't want
reading this probably is. Let's just say, she came down to Lawton for
a short visit. We had fun. I picked up my best pal Ryan up on Saturday
night and we were up till about two in the morning watching the Class
of Nuke'em High Trilogy. I also got the Summer Edition of Heavy Metal.

Very Nice.

I also listened to 104: The Bear for most of the visit. It's the only
classic rock radio within range. I heard this awesome song called
"Shake My Tree" performed by Dave Coverdale and Jimmy Page. That song
was epic, as was Megadeth's "Train of Consequences". Ryan was suprised
when I told him it was Megadeth. He routinely listens to all varieties
of metal, though mostly the Thrash variety. One of his favourites is
Metallica, but I'm more partial to Faith No More and Anthrax. Maybe
some Slayer if I'm in my depressed mode. Thrash metal is better for
when you're depressed and want to feel better because it's so fast.

During the '04 and '04-'05 school years, I listened to nothing but
Pink Floyd and Led Zepplin. Let me tell you, I was depressed after
hearing nothing but that. I used to think I was different because of
it, (though that wasn't why I listened), until I stepped back and
looked at everyone else who was listening to it, also. I didn't want to
be like them. I didn't know what I wanted to be, but not them. Then
I found thrash metal in '05-'06. Thrash Metal, I feel, is forgotten,
because it's not classic, (like the Zepplin or Van Halen), and not
new. You could make the argument that we have Korn, Limp Biskit, and
Linkin Park, not to mention all the other bands who aren't worth
mentioning, but it doesn't sound the same. It's too sanitized and,
apparently, too radio friendly and marketable.

I'm not going to waste your time complaining about record companies and
"the Man" and how they're trying to keep music I like down, because
they aren't. Whatever.

I just saw "Cool World" with Kim Basinger, Gabriel Byrne, and a young
Brad Pitt. I need to look for this one on DVD. A lovely blending of
Live Action and Animation in the vein of Roger Rabbit. The whole
thing is good, especially the art style.

Oh well.

Back to my vacation two weeks ago. Where was I? Oh yes, I was halfway
through Seaworld. Well, after riding all the rides, eating my turkey
leg, and looking through all of the giftshops, it was time to see the
big man himself, Shamu.

He was housed in the "Believe" ampetheater, where all sorts of shows
took place during the day. When night came, it was different. There
was some sort of Shamu Rocks Texas celebration where a black dude came
out in a cowboy hat. He said his name was Bart... just kidding. It was
Tim or something else goofy. It was at this point that I realized how
wild these animals really are. The people in the wetsuits where
throwing down buckets of fish. I thought, if the orcas, (or any other
animal performer in the park), didn't get those fish, they probably
wouldn't cooperate. There wouldn't be any incentive for the animals.
And you can't comprimise with a killer whale.

They played all sorts of music. From Black Eyed Peas to Aerosmith to
ZZ Top to Lynyrd Skynyrd. Some of it was cool. I remember the ZZ Top
tune being a cover, though. Perhaps they couldn't get the right to
use it in a performace of a giant, sea-faring mammal, I don't know.
I don't work for Seaworld. Anyways, there was pyro, water was splahed
on the crowd, and people were flipped into the air. It was a good time.

We left. I was out of the place first because I knew when the show
was over. Every other idiot sat in their seats while they threw water on
the landed animals. I motioned for my family, but apparently they
didn't get the hint and sat there while the stairs out were flooded
with people. Nice.

We get out and have our second encounter with the mad Italians. This
time though, they were shirtless and doing a running conga line and
chanting something illegible. I wanted to rip off my shirt and run
behind them. I should've, in retrospect.

But what's past is past.

We make our way to the exit and get a magnet from the souvenier shop on
the way out. Yay. We exit and the mad Italians are jumping on and off
rocks, screaming and laughing. I almost wanted to yell
"STOP HAVING FUN." :frowns. I didn't. I wouldn't. I'm not a bitter
person and I won't let people make me bitter. I just have to find my
own fun.

I fall asleep in the back of the Honda Pilot, with a blanket I brought
with me because I was the only freezing one in the car. I hate being
cold. Twenty minutes of sleep and I wake up. We were stopped. I was
being poked. I wanted to go to bed. So what do we do? Go to Pizza Hut,
of course. In reality, it was probably 8 or 9, maybe 10 at night, but
outside, it looked like 3 AM. There was nobody out, nor was there
anyone else besides us at Pizza Hut. As soon as we sit down, we get
our drinks ordered. Dana wants a pitcher. I didn't and I wasn't about
to argue on anyone's behalf. So, as per usual, I say nothing.

Server Lady, whom was very nice given the time, politely informed us
that there wasn't a pitcher. Big mistake. Though you couldn't tell
from her voice, you could see in her eyes that Dana was mad. I know
how to read people, though not well. Dana said that was fine. We ended
up getting a pepperoni lovers and a supreme, both pan pizzas, of course.
I ended up eating half of the pepperoni lovers and none of the supreme,
mainly because I don't eat green peppers or black olives.

I can barely remember what happened after that, other than the fact that
we returned to the hotel room and I waited a hour or two in silence
so I could sleep. Sometimes I need to be hypnotized in order to sleep.
Anyone who knows self-hypnosis knows how to do this, how to relax
yourself. I've always had to do that. Even from a young age. I was
never exhausted enough to sleep. I was very much a night person. It's
1:19 AM Central Time. If I went to bed right now, I'd be staring at the
wall until 3 in the morning.

It didn't help that the air conditioner was on full blast, either.

We went into San Antonio the next day. I'll write about that later
today, after the sun rises and certainly after noon.

Journal Entry 8, July 27th, 2006. A Thursday.

I can't sleep.

It's 4:41 AM. My father should be getting up for work soon. I'm
waiting for Sony's newest PSP update. I'm not going to upgrade the
firmware, yet. I'll still download it. Maybe somebody will find a hole
in 2.8's security before 2.7 or 2.71. Who knows.

I just got finished watching "The Trilogy of Terror II". It's a
1990's sequal to another movie made in the late seventies. It has,
quite possibly, some of the worst production values I've ever seen in
a movie. Great B-Movie. The most famous person in the movie I could
find was the Irishman who played the Bank Manager in Maverick. You
know, the manager of the bank that got blown up by Danny Glover.
Yeah, that guy. He plays a grave-robber who gets a crowbar to the face
and bleeds out orange blood while the guy in the coffin he's robbing
gets carried away by a few oversized rubber rats with large teeth.

Any semblance of stardom ends there. All of the props look like they
were purchased at a Holloween shop, as do all of the masks. The
lighting was inadequate and the acting was over-reactive.

B-MOVIE.

On Monday, the same day I was finishing my SeaWorld story, I went to
the library on post, Ft. Sill. I'm going to be volunteering there.
I wanted to check out Cell and The Dark Tower VII, as well as a book
on making LED Displays. I couldn't. It turns out, lo and behold, that
my father nor his wife had signed me up. So I couldn't check out any
books nor could I volunteer without knowing the phone number, address,
or having someone there to vouch for me. So I went home.

Not that home, to my mum's. She lives only a little ways from the
library. So I stopped by and got some books from my personal collection
and returned to the library. Then I went back and came back to where
I'm sitting right now.

I'm still not done wrapping up my trip to San Antonio. I'm only 1/3 of
the way done. I still have to cover going to the Alamo and Six Flags,
which, I might add, is much more enjoyable than SeaWorld.

Journal Entry 9, the same day, (except at 7:07 PM)

Yesterday, I tried to watch Serenity. It was a good sci-fi flick and it
made me wish I could have seen Firefly. I saw it, up until the last
twenty minutes. I had to change the channel because Dana wanted to
watch the news. The local news, not even the national. Let me clue
you in on something, and this is to those who don't live in small towns
in the midwest. There is no news in Oklahoma. Except for the past few
days when there have been elections. Most of the news on TV could just
as easily be found on a bulletin board at a bus stop.

What was on the news was up to the minute coverage on the elections and
assorted brush fires around the Texoma area. Yippie. Riveting stories,
guys. Whatever. I don't have the strength to argue any more.

I saw on the Sci-fi Channel the promo for Garth Marenghi's show. It
looks promising. I can safely say that what little televvision I watch
will be spent on the Sci-fi channel watching either this show or
EurEka. It looks really good so far, but I fear that it won't get the
ratings it deserves and will meet a premature end. Best to enjoy it
while I can, eh?

Lately, I've been reading more than usual. It's probably because I want
to escape the world I'm in right now and jump into one that's more
interesting. I'm mostly reading John Grisham. I just finished The
Chamber and I'm working on The Last Juror. I've also finsished Baal by
Robert McCammon and The Hanged Man's Song by John Sandford. As I've
said before, I'm trying to get Cell and The Dark Tower VII but I've
been unsuccessful.

Later tonight, when I have access to internet, I'm going to see what
the buzz is on the new PSP update. I hope it's promising.



I feel uninspired. Usually, I'm just a fountain of imagination, but
lately I've been feeling as if my head was in a vice. I feel sock. I
think it's because of stress. My brother's doc says that's how cold
sores can show up, too. That'd explain a lot.

Haha. I just thought about something funny. My mum hates it when people
use "too" instead of using the proper "also". Ha.

I can't wait till school starts. It still seems years away, though. I'm
taken English 2, Botany, whatever the Social Studies/History class is,
Computer Programming (which counts as a Math credit), Keyboarding for
half a semester (even though I already know how, don't tell LHS), and
Keyboarding 2 or whatever it's called for half a semester. I'm also
taking another class which I can't remember right now.

LHS is having it's cafeteria added onto because of the influx of
students after many of the other military bases in the US closed. A lot
of soldiers came to Ft. Sill, Home of the Field Artillery, King of
Battle. I hope I don't have to sit in the cafeteria. It's too noisy.
I can't have noise when I'm eating. Well, I can, however it's very
uncomfortable.

I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I think I'm being
melodramatic. I'm still leaning towards "Licensed Pyrotechnician",
although that'd mean quite a bit of chemistry I'd have to learn.

Perhaps "Film Maker" would suit me well. I had taken Drama for two
years and speech and debate each for one. It was the closest thing
I could find to film in school. I always wanted to be behind the
camera, never in front. I could if I wanted to, but I don't.
Maybe I could be a "Cinematographer". Yes, a nice lengthy title always
indicates importance, right?

I dunno.

What I am told to do is enjoy the life I have right now to the fullest,
while I still can. I intend to do that. I'm not going to muck up my
childhood just so I can be sucessful later in life. From what I hear,
a bad childhood comes back to haunt you. That's why I'm so laid back in
the face of oppression. I cringe every time I see all of those bitter
straight-A students. They're mean, unhappy, and VINDICTIVE people.
They're probably that way because their daddy never hugged them. My
daddy wants to hug me, but I don't want a hug. There's a difference.

I can safely say that I'd rather be in the entertainment industry
rather than any other. I like to make people happy, sometimes at a cost
to me. I'l go any length to make sure everyone's alright. That's what
makes me happy. And if I could do that through the magic of film, well
that makes it all the better.

Maybe I could be a writer.

Hell, I could be an astronaut if I was motivated. One thing I was
toying with is being a Pilot. HAHA. Could you imagine, me being a
pilot. Flying has always amazed me. I've never been scared of flying.

One thing that does scare me to death, though, is roller coasters.
It's wierd because I love roller coasters. I'm always scared waiting in
line for a ride. But when I get off, it's just a feeling of total
underwhelm-ment. I think I expect too much, that's why I'm so jaded.
I need to lower my standards and realize that nothing on Earth can be
a quarter as good as it appears to be, that oftentimes things are
lesser than the sum of it's parts, that the world is generally
mediocre and people are just blowing things out of proportion.

I guess I'm just looking too far into my own future. I should just do
want I want to do each year without any thought to the future. When
I get to the end, I'll look at what I've done and only then shall I
determine what I want to do. Anyway, that's the plan I have now. I
guess I'll stick by it until something makes me do otherwise.

Journal Entry 10. July 28th, 2006. Friday. 3:40 AM.

I was watching Spike TV a few hours ago and saw their promo for
the Beer Goggle Theater or whatever it's called. It's supposed to be on
at 2 AM Saturday Morning. It looked mostly of Andy Sidaris films, and
although they didn't tell you they were his, the promo reeks of him.
So I'll be watching it.

During the last half hour, I've been watching Dennis Miller. The most
I could say of it was that it was completely average and I want to
watch Real Time with Bill Maher again.

So now I'm watching Bullitt.

There are very few actors that stand out amongst all others and stand
the test of time. Actors like John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, Donald
Sutherland, Henry Fonda, etc. But when you think about some of the
movie's greatest, you have to include the Master of Chase, Steve
McQueen. Nothing quite showcases his performances like in The Great
Escape and Bullitt.

In addition to al the other things on my wishlist, I'll have to get the
Steve McQueen box set. Sadly, though, it doesn't include the Blob.
Boohoo.

Oh well. I'm tired and mainly surviving off of Potato Chips and
listening to Metallica and Megadeth in the wee hours of the morning.
I was never a daytime person, anyway. The night is when everything's
quiet, more focused. That's my element.

Right now I'm listening to "Fuel". It doesn't get any heavier than
that, baby. Burning hard, smooth, and clean. Hehe.

Anyways, I didn't upgrade my PSP. It turns out that it wasn't a soccer
demo that I know of. It looks like it's some puzzle game. I still
downloaded it, though, for safe-keeping in case they decide to alter
it for some reason or if someone finds a security hole. Right now,
though, I'm just counting on those more intelligent than I to
create some sort of downgrader for Firmware 2.71. I've already made the
mistake of upgrading twice, there's no need to do it again.

There's no reason to, either. I mean, you can play every game on the
PSP through a homebrew or a loader of some kind. I don't know why
people update. Maybe it's because of the free downloads Sony offers.
Well, so far, the only one I'd be looking forward to would be Loco Roco
and that's stretching it. The one game I want more than any other
would have to be Valkyrie Profile: Lenneth. It looks amazing, and
rather affordable considering it's PS1 Brother can sometimes fetch up
to $200.00 on eBay and Amazon.

So, I'm saving up cash. I have $5.80. I need forty. Perhaps I'll mow
lawns. Hell, I've never had that much money. I don't know what money is
worth. I could probably undersell any one else mowing by at least $15.
HAHA. That'd be awesome. But first thing's first: I need to volunteer
at the library on post. Now, it is a test of my will. My will to make
something of myself and get out of this miserable place. That may mean
less journal entries and I know how much you people just LOVE to read
them. Oh well. I'm not writing them for you anyway.

Maybe I should write a story, some epic tome about some universe far
away, (or maybe not so far away). Then I could market it. But that's
not the way to think. You don't write a story to make money. You write
it because you were the one destined to bring that story to the masses.
You write because you enjoy writing, not because there's no other
option.

Oh well. I'm going to try and catch at least a few of the forty winks.
G'night, all.

Journal Entry 11. July 29th, 2006. 3:54 AM. A Saturday.

I found out something funny this afternoon. The 2.8 Firmware Update for
the PSP has already been debugged and dumped. Most of the files inside
the EBOOT have been revealed, but, as I recall, the one key file in the
EBOOT remains locked and needs an encryption key. I'm glad I downloaded
the update, now. I'd imagine that someone'll find a hole and exploit it
soon. I'd help, but I'm mostly into hardware hacks and mods. I like
to build and solder things. Hehe. That doesn't mean I'm good at it, so
don't assume I can help with any of you questions. I'm still learning
and I'm not much of an artist. I'd much rather write things.

Soon, I'll be able to downgrade my PSP. Or I could do one better and
buy the modchip and installation for a cool $200. That may not seem
like much to everyone else, but I don't come by money easily. I've
already said that before, but I feel the need to place emphasis.

I think I'll go that route. But, the most likely scenario is that I'll
be waiting until Christmas for either my mother or father to pay for
it. They do give a warranty, a month or so. And they should, too,
because soldered points are notorious for coming loose when being
jostled around like in, say, a PSP in someone's pocket or hands.

Oh well. Right now, I'll be content with my Heavy Metal UMD and a few
other gadgets and doodads I've found for it.

I love Heavy Metal. Probably because it's one of the few things I can
afford. Hehe.

I plan to back order a few of the special issues like the F.A.K.K.
movie special featuring a demo for the game and the soundtrack from
the movie. Maybe I'll get a few posters, too, like the Interstellar
Corvette.

I've been playing Grand Theft Auto andeating Frosted Flakes all day
and I cannot sleep a wink in my current condition of wired-ness.
Grand Theft Auto is the greatest boredom tranquilizer. It's got all the
trimmings of a classic: A brilliant soundtrack, Depth of Gameplay,
unforgettable characters, and a story line that is amazingly crafted.
It's not hard to see that Rockstar Games has honed their flagship
franchise to a beautiful diamond. I'm waiting for a Max Payne 3 or a
Max Payne for the PSP, but I'm not going to hold my breath on that one.

I made lemonade today. From frozen concentrate, of course. I usually
make it at 11 PM and finish it before 4 AM. This time, I resisted my
urge and took only a 1/2 glass full.

I think I'm going to start making some LED Throwies with my friend Ryan.
There's nothing more fun than tossing some throwies at passing cars or
at street signs. I'll gather the supplies later. Right now, I'll
probably go to sleep and wake up at 3 and eat something, after which
I'll probably finish off The Last Juror.

G'Night, all. Long days and pleasent nights.

P.S. !VIVE LA TEXT FILES!

Journal Entry 12. July 29, 2006. The same Saturday at 11:21 PM.

I decided to turn in early because I was harrassed this afternoon on my
skeeping patterns, which are completely regular. They said it was awful
that I sleep that late and tommorow we'd be cleaning up the house. My
father said that I'd also be going to church. Yay. That thrills me to
no end, as you can tell. Oh well. I'm not complaining. Worse things can
happen.

I'm quite close to finishing The Last Juror and I need to go to the
library Monday and get me some books.

I found a dime today. That makes $6.05, now. Oh well. It's a steady
increase in funds with no effort put forth on my part. Haha. There's
gotta be a better way.

My father gave me a bunch of papers on how to find Teen Employment.
Thanks, but no thanks. I think I'll mow lawns when I think the time is
right and when the moment strikes me. I feel horrible right now. My
legs hurt and I don't want to leave the bed. I do, but I'd rather be
there than anywhere else.

I know what I need to do. I need to fix my numerous computers and
laptops back at my mum's. I have two laptops and four towers, all of
which are next to unusable. I have to fix them, reformat nearly all of
them. It's going to be a pain in the ass and I'm going to rearrange
my room, but I'm going to do it. Perhaps I'll just pull out thins hard
drive I'm using right now, and maybe the CD Burner in the tower
sitting next to it. Yeah. It has to work, I don't have a lot of cash.
I'll have to get someone to manually reformat the computer next to this
one because it won't let me do it.

I'm going to go try now and see if I can't reformat this other drive.

Later.

Journal Entry 13. July 31st, 2006. 3:40 AM. A Monday.

What am I listening to? Public Enemy, of course. Terminator X Speaks
With His Hands, to be exact. Before that, Terminator X to The Edge of
Panic.

I've been busy tonight.

I've mainly been downloading Planetside onto the laptop's massive 90
Gig hard drive. They won't miss the 3.8 Gigs it takes up. HAHA.

Right now, I'm just wishing I could go to Defcon 14. That'd be awesome.
I could hear the voices of my idols and legends. Groovy. Cons are
always fun, too. Sadly, I don't have a hundred bucks for a badge or
money for a ticket to Las Vegas. Even then, I dunno if they'd allow
me in there or not. Oh well, I'd rather dream about something like
that, anyways.

I downloaded Scatterchat from Hacktivismo and put it on my PSP's hard
drive. If only I could run it on PSP. Alas, my PSP is version 2.71 as
I have stated before and I wouldn't know how to program something like
that, anyway. Maybe I could learn Lua or C in my spare time during the
school year.

The other thing I was looking at was changing the boot screen on all of
my computers. It'd be easier if they all had internet access, because
then I could download the necessary utilities. But, right now, I have
to find the driver that gets Win 98 to recognize the PSP as a "Mass
Storage Device" in order to use it to transfer files, albeit slowly,
from one computer to another.

I feel at home on a keyboard.

I can type way, way, way, way, way, way, faster on a keyboard than I
could write on a piece of paper with a pen or pencil.

I want to open a website and just write. Always writing. I could write
all day, with the proper inspiration. I could write anything. There's
always that great feeling of satisfaction you get when you complete a
piece of written work, like this Journal, for instance. At the
beginning, I was unsure that I'd make it through two journal entries
before losing my intrest. Now I'm on number 13, the lucky number. I
hope to write many more, though I don't give a damn if nobody reads
them.

I write because it's a bit safer than explosives. But fire is
beautiful. I know full well that that sounds pyro of me, but I don't
care. Fire is beautiful, though dangerous. So Beautiful, So Dangerous.
HAHA. I'm not going to start any fires or blow up anything. However, if
I found some safe way of destroying junk, I'd be all in.

I'd rather steer clear from that corner of my head, if you don't mind.
I have bad experiences with fire. I've fallen into one or two while
camping and some kid lit a box on fire long ago.

Don't look at me like that. Those are deep-seeded emotional issues I
need to work on. They're just memories long forgotten until I forceably
dredged them up. The falling in the fire was pretty funny in the end,
though, because both I and my clothes turned out okay in the end.

I finished The Last Juror and put it in it's permanent slot on
my book shelf. It was thoroughly enjoyable and the ending was very
satisfying. Now, I've moved onto The Fourth Estate by Jeffrey Archer.
It's very good so far, (page 31), and I'll be reading it for a while,
(742 Pages).

I should mention that I socked my brother in the side of the face.
Whoever started the argument is irrelevent, (though it was probably me),
he tried to bite me, I tried to bite him back, he was pulling my hair
and choking me, I punched him. I should also mention that I didn't
punch him as hard as I could have and that we have these sort of
tiffs with regularity. Whatever. At the end of the day, we're both
bros and I'd still take a bullet or more for either of them.

I should really get started on the Alamo and Six Flags stories, now.
I'l be forgetting them soon if I don't.

Let's see. We went back to the hotel from Pizza Hut and I fell asleep
on the bed. Nothing could move me from my catatonic state as long as I
was lying on my gut and my right side of my face was on that pillow.
I didn't need that rat's nest of a blanket that my eldest brother was
using.

He needs thin blankets. I sleep under heavy comforters and many of them
because I don't think my blood carries heat well. I think there's
something called Reynaud's Syndrome and I have it. My mother and
at least one of my aunts, (her sister), has it as well. It makes
your extremities feel cold and get a burning sensation, sometimes
severely. It can also make extremities like your finger and toes look
red or even purple, as if they aren't getting enough oxygen. I think
that's what happens. As a result of all this, my hands and feet feel
like ice cubes. I NEED HEAT.

Even my need of heat wasn't enough to make me reach for that blanket,
though. I'd rather be frozen for three nights than have some sort of
STD at the end of all this. They don't wash the blankets, only the
sheets. I found blood once. I knew it was blood, because it was brown
and really stained into the fabric. Ketchup usually leaves a layer
of residue, similar to pudding skin, when it dries up, so I knew I
could rule that out. Besides, who'd eat over an open sheet, anyway?

I was assigned ice bucket detail, (I hate you, Irony). I took my bro
along so he could vouch for me when I found the inevitable non-working
ice machine. We walk out hang a right and travel along the doors. We're
outside and there are a bunch of soda machines along with a sign
pointing us toward the direction of the ice machines.

We get to where the ice machines are located to find... nothing.
We go to another area of the hotel where there are ice machines,
none there either. We look over every inch of the hotel and find not
one ice machine, not even a broken one. The mexican housekeeper wasn't
helpful, either. We just gave up and walked back to the room where
I told everyone to just put their crap in the fridge 'cause I was tired
of looking and I needed sleep.

Flash to 8 AM. I am asleep. Or, rather, in some sort of trance between
this reality and the dreamworld. Either way, I was not to be bothered.
I was poken in the ear and asked if I wanted waffles, like I was asked
every other day. I give you three guesses as to what I said, but I
think you'll only need one. i went back to bed for another hour and
turned the air conditioning off. Ahhh... the heat. It felt good, as
if I was slipping into a warm bath.

It's 4:30 right now, as I am writing.

I got one uninterupted hour of sleep before we took of in the Pilot
towards San Antone, me lying sideways, unsafely in the backseat.

THE MALL.

The parking garage just happened to be on the third floor of the mall
in San Antonio, the one you can get to from the riverwalk. We went in,
as there wasn't much choice and they needed air conditioning. My
father, being the football fan that he is, made a beeline for the
Official Dallas Cowboys Merchandise Shop. They have everything you
could ever want if you were a fan. Lamps, jerseys, bikinis, dvds,
video game console controllers emblazoned with a blue star with silver
trim, everything.

So we left rather quickly, knowing that if we spent a moment longer
we'd probably buy some hunk of junk.

And we went into some Texas Giftshop.

I didn't like this shop becaus ethey had three stuffed armadillos posing
in all sorts of kooky positions, like the one with a holster, cowboy hat,
and boots or the one lying in what could best be described as a prone
position with a mock beer bottle in its sad, little hands.

We leave that shop, I being the first out because a church group on
vacation had just taken over the place. Later it turned out that there
was some sort of Methodist convention that week, thus all of the
religious groups we saw at the various parks and around town.

We then went down the escalator, regretfully past the EB Games, and
toward the movie theater, though we all knew full well that we
wouldn't be seeing any movie. We go down another escalator and into
Flags of the World. Why? Who the fuck knows? All I know is that my
father and Dana saw something in this place that said, "BUY ME".

I made my way over to the sports section and gave a once-over to the
Steelers junk. A couple of mugs. Sad, but true. Anyway, I was ready to
get out of there the moment I saw it while coming down the escalator.
I tell my father I was going to be at the Suncoast across from Flags.
He says alright and that they'd catch up in a minute.

I was in Heaven. They had every sort of movie and movie related crap
you could ever wish for. I got my Reservoir Dogs poster at Suncoast
years ago and a few DVDs. B-Movies, no less. Sadly, they closed down
the Suncoast after a few months in Lawton due to the lack of customer
traffic it was getting. They already had a Sam Goody in the mall, I
guess they didn't think they needed a Suncoast. Bullshit. I need
Suncoast. Haha.

Part 4:

Continuing from Journal Entry 13 at 4: 51 AM, July 31st.

Oh well. I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles.

Anyway, I'm traveling through the racks looking for something
interesting. I saw The Seven Year Itch, every Batman movie in one
collection, and Beevis and Butthead DVDs. It'd be nice if I had money,
but you have to work with what you got. I had nothing and I was
working with it. If I had the six bucks I have now, I'd probably
get Hard Rock Zombies and the other two movies it came with.

But it's important not to dwell on things like that. So I left, at
the urging of my father, who was at the urging of his wife. Haha.
We go up an escalator and pass a cool magic shop which I wanted to see
bad, but never voiced my opinion. It'd be an exercise in futility.
When you live in a place like this, the less you say, the better.
I think I borrowed that unintentionally from Better Off Dead, but I
think it accurately describes my feelings.

Anyway, I've got to get to bed, or at least slow myself down to where
I don't use much energy. I'm going to wrap myself up in blankets and
read The Fourth Estate until dawn.

G'night, ya'll. Two apostrophies, one sentence. Haha.

Journal Entry 14. July 31st, still Monday. 5:34 PM.

I am very proud to say that this has been one of the most inactive days
of my entire life. I've done nothing but sleep all day and read The
Fourth Estate. I feel sick. And I feel tired. And I want to go home.
But we can't have everything we want, now can we? I hate it when people
say that. I believe you can get anything if you want it hard enough
and you have the will to match.

I'm bored.

I'm listening to the local news -which really isn't local because it
covers two different states and multiple counties- and I hear that
a teenager has been formally charged in the murder of a man trying to
buy drugs in a botched robbery attempt. What is this world coming to?
I've given up trying to make sense of stuff like this. I push it off
to the side, realizing that there's nothing I can do about and I'm
probably the same as they are.

I'm going to shop on RottenCotton.com for my school wardrobe. I love
all of the old movies, as well as the Signature Series where they have
the shirts signed by the likes of Gunnar Hansen and Tom Savini. Very
stylish and something that'll set me apart from all of the other
morbid creatures hanging around the hallways of my school with their
dyed hair and stories of their latest suicide attempt.

I saw one kid, though he wasn't really one of them, swallow a bottle of
Tylenol. Lucky for him, the bottle didn't even have six capsules inside
it. I don't recall having ever seen him again. Then there's my friend
Stephen who pulled his pants down and was seen by a teacher/counselor/
whatever and got a stern talking to. Haha.

I hang with wierd people. But, then again, they're the ones who have
mindsets closest to mine. But they have no imagination, no will to
enjoy life. They appear as if they've given up on things like that.
Oh well. I'll just hang out with Ryan and bring my stereo pumping out
Metallica or Megadeth or Van Halen.

Despite my urgings, he still doesn't want to go "Ham Bowling" with me
in Wal Mart. That's exactly what I'm talking about with these people,
you can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk?

I've done many things that people like them would never do. Yet they're
so pompous about some miniscule feat they've performed on their
skateboards. God, do I hate skateboards.

Ryan skateboards. I don't care much, I'll just follow him around until
we find something interesting to do, like if we see something cool in a
dumpster. I am not above dumpster diving, I have a pair of hockey
sticks now. Haha. Oh well. Tommorrow's Tuesday, meaning I need to watch
EurEka. Then Wednesday means Nightmares and Dreamscapes. Nothing happens
to look forward to on Thursday, but on Friday I go back to my mum's.
Maybe I can try out this new Scatterchat with Ryan. It offers support
over any messenger, like Yahoo, or AOL, or ICQ, or MSN, and all the
other three lettered acronyms.

I have a feeling that I'll be able to get Planetsid eot work this
weekend, too, so I'll be sure to do that.

Oh well. I'll probably read The Fourth Estate until dinner and probably
post on I-Mockery.net and HideoutHeretics.net until I write in my journal
tommorrow in the wee hours of the morning. So, I bid you farewell.

Journal Entry 15. August 1st, 2006. Tuesday morning at 5:57 AM.

I spent most of the night looking at various hacking and modding
sites and came across a very, very, vey, very inexpensive LAN card on
eBay for a little over $10 and a little under $20. I believe it
was a Lucent WaveLAN ORiNOCO IEEE Bronze, Silver, and Gold cards. They
work with Apples Airport and pretty much any wireless router. I was
wanting to put it into my currently non-functional Panasonic Toughbook
after I got it fixed, something which I've been meaning to do for
three years.

Then I got the thought, why not just get a new (used) one? So I also
looked up Panasonic Toughbook on eBay and it came up with everything
from their first Toughbook to the latest tablet mobile PCs, which is
really what they are, mobile desktops. Toss in an AC adapter, and
extra battery, and a 40 Gig hard drive, it it all amounts to a little
over $100. Not bad. I'm not taking into account S&H, but whatever.
I'll figure it out.

I hear that Reader's Digest pays $300 for any original joke you send
them and $100 for any you've heard before. Of course, they have to use
the jokes before you get the money. That's not really a problem for
me, I'm a regular laugh factory, can't you tell.

All I need is about $200 bucks to amass everything and refurbish a
rather lovely laptop. Toughbooks are very sturdy, hense the name. My
brothers broke a piece off from where the AC adapter attaches to the
back of the computer so it can charge the battery. I either need to
get a new one or find a battery dock. Personally, I'd rather get a
new one.

How does one get $200 dollars fairly quickly. I can't babysit. I hate
children, actually. Perhaps I just have some mortal fear of them. I
will mow lawns. I have to. There's no other way. I think the lawnmower
works. I'll have to see this weekend. I NEED MONEY. I think I'll
set up a lemonade stand, if all else fails.

What am I to do? It's 6:11 AM and I'm feeling completely unmotivated.
Maybe when I have written enough, I could market this journal. HAHA.
That'd be the most ironic thing ever if it happened. Maybe I'll
find an unidentifiable wallet with a hundred bucks in it. Hell, maybe
I could just gut these computers and sell what's inside. They were both
given to me and only one's usable.

I'm bored. Maybe I'll just let my imagination run away with me and write
a story so beautiful that the world will finally lay down it's arms and
cast away its differences while singing songs of peace and joy. You'll
be able to hear them singing, even in your neighborhood. Such emotion
flowing through the air, feeling like electricity arcing across the
cities. Messages of love travelling across the winds reaching everybody.
The temperature would be a wonderful 75 degrees all year round.

HAHA. A boy can dream, can't he? 'Tis beautiful imagery, but nothing
more. It isn't practical. It can't really be put to use. I'm going to
bed, I'm damn tired. I'm going to wake up, make a grilled cheese sandwich
with some chicken wings, go to see my therapist Jana Brewer, watch EurEka,
and go to bed. Simple enough, though anything could become very
complicated at any time. Like, say the non-stick pan was dirty and I
try to cook in a pan without the teflon. BIg mistake. My fingers are
now burned and I'm waiting for the inevitable blisters to arrive.

G' night.

Journal Entry 16. August 2nd, 2006. Wednesday. 1:41 AM.

I saw a lot of REEEEEEEAAAALLLLYYY old Toshiba laptops on eBay. Twelve
of them. For thirty bucks. I was joking around with my father and told
him I could give one to all of my friends. I still think I'm going to
get one of those Toughbooks, though. They look really nice.

I actual am 100% positive about a way to make money now. I'm gonna make
LED throwies and sell them to people in my neighborhood and around
school when it starts. They're very cheap to make and you could make
many in a short amount of time. I think I'll charge ninety cents per
throwie. Eight bucks for ten. HAHA. It's really easy and kids love them,
teens love them, adults love them. They're LED light that stick to any
ferromagnetic (I think that's the word) material and last up to 2 weeks
on the battery it has, which is replaceable with new batteries.

I love it. Everyone will want one. I'm stoked about this whole thing.

I am positively shaking with the excitement at the prospect of doing
something I love and getting paid for it. Of course, it'll be a while
before I can order the parts from the internet. Some of the things I
can find anywhere, like tape and such. But the LEDS, batteries in bulk,
and rare-Earth magnets would have to be purchased online.

I can already see the lockers in the hallway of LHS flooded with
throwies. HAHA. What a sight to see.

Oh boy. I have a lot I want to do. I saw a Panasonic Toughbook laptop
for 1 penny on eBay with 15 hours to go. Maybe if I wake up early
enough, I could persuade my Father to order it. I have a quarter, and
there was no shipping. It was perfect, though missing a battery. It
wasn't being sold for parts, either. I can hope, no?

I saw EurEka and it was a good episode, quickly becoming my favourite
show on television.

I feel alright. I'm just really bored. I can't get out of this blasted
house. I'll call Ryan tommorrow and ask if I can come over to his
place after I'm done with my appointment with Jana Brewer. That sounds
like a plan.

G' night.

Journal Entry 17. August 4th, 2006. Friday. 12:51 PM.

I leave to my mum's for the weekend in about five hours. I feel good.

Most of my time has been spent on the internet. I played Magiknights
until 12 AM. I quit because MMORPGs are addictive. So I was fooling
around on Hackaday.com to see if anything looked interesting. That's
when I came upon the HP Jornada, a handheld PC. Don't let the title
fool you, HP Jornadas are basically laptops you can fit in your pocket.
Let's take Jornada 720, for example. It has a touchscreen. It has
one of those PCI-whatsits card slots on the side, a compact-flash memory
card slot, it's dock has a USB slot that can link to your computer via
its serial cable.

As to it's dimensions, imagine a checkbook for the visually impaired,
larger than a normal checkbook, but still recognizeable as a checkbook.
That should give you an idea of the screen size and resolution. I don't
have the exact numbers in front of me, but the keyboard is huge. 76%
the size of the original Qwerty Keyboard. It runs on Microsoft CE,
basically Microsoft for Pocket PCs. The best part is that it can run
Linux, as can a lot of Pocket PCs now. I'm still trying to learn Linux,
so an inexpensive, not so powerful machine to tinker with would be a
great asset to me.

I plan on putting a Agere ORiNOCO Classic Gold Card in it to connect
to the internet. You can surf the net, play "decent" games, (like Doom
or Quake), play music, or even watch movies with a third party program.
Keep in mind, it's still a handheld. It's not like it's a laptop.

It can do anything, I swear it. I hear it doesn't run Flash well. It's
not like I care. I hate Flash. My bros are in love with it.

So, with all of these features, you'd expect it to cost a bajillion
dollars, right? WRONG. You could probably find one for about fifty bucks.
Some even come with free wireless cards and docking stations. I think
I'll be getting one of these, then a Toughbook.

I'm very sure that I could use it in class to transcribe stuff,
especially with the touch-screen and stylus. I could draw diagrams, too.
I hear it's good to touchtype with, also. That comes in handy with me,
I tend to type really fast. Whew.

Oh well. That's just another piece of junk to put on the wishlist.
I have a feeling I'll be getting that after the X-Box 360. I should be
getting it any day now. My mum says we have to wait it out a bit, she
hasn't lied to me yet... that I know of. Oh well, HAHA. I'm joking.

I saw a movie at six AM with Michael Douglas called The Star Chamber.
It came on after Blacktop with Meat Loaf Aday and that Lochlyn guy that's
in so many movies. I liked The Star Chamber.

For those who are unfamiliar, The Star Chamber casts Michael Douglas as
a judge. Every day, he lets murderers go free because of technicalities
and infractions beyond his control and it's driving him up the wall. He
goes to his mentor after two men get away with raping and killing a boy.
The mentor invites him to sit on a special panel, like a Supreme Court.
They judge whenever a person gets acquitted due to a technicality or
all of the witnesses are dead or the stenographer fucks up and writes
in short hand no one could read but him, then he dies. They sentence
a person, out of court, based on the evidence and the gravity of the
crimes and deem a person to walk free or to die. If the party is guilty,
they offer justice where our courts cannot and hire a hitman to assassinate
the criminal.

It's a very riviting movie.

Oh well. I'm very tired and I think I'll just read The Fourth Estate
until 6, in 3 hours and 42 minutes.

G' Day. Here's to hoping I find a $50 bill so I can get that HP Jornada.