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Zomboid Zomboid is offline
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Old Jan 6th, 2008, 02:22 PM       
Not a single one of my stories have an ounce of class to them. Some aren't as bad as others though. These are just some highlights:

- virginity lost in a back alley behind a friend's house during a party. She asked for my number after and I said I didn't have a phone. A couple minutes later I realized that in my drunken stupor I neglected to notice that I was texting when she asked me for my number. It was the night before I turned 17.

- One summer my friend and his gf drank a whole lot and I eventually managed to bed all 3 of her closest friends (separate occassions)

- I forgot that I was chewing tobacco while fooling around with girls on 2 separate occassions. Once it was just making out and the other time I was fucking the girl in my friend's parent's Bronco. I ended up swallowing most of the spit . It was also very weird because it took her like 5 minutes to get her shoes off.

- The main reason I screwed the aforementioned spit girl was because my best friend was for some reason bad mouthing me and doing his best to cock block so he could have her for himself, I'm guessing. I'd already fooled around with her earlier in the night and when he'd gotten wind of it, he started telling her about how I avoid girls that I sleep with, etc. I was pretty drunk and had no real intention of trying to have sex with her, but that pissed me off so I got a condom and we ended up DOIN' THE NASTY.

- While drunk and alone in a bedroom with a girl at a party, she started to talk about how its different for girls and guys when they lose their virginity. She said how badly it hurt the first time, etc. I kind of zoned out and just looked at the ceiling and nursed my beer. Then I realize she's rubbing my leg a bit and she concluded by saying that if we do something, I need to be gentle. I had wanted to nail this girl for months so I didn't exactly need convincing at that point. We go to it and at some point she is in pain and we slow down a bit. Then I wake up and we're both sleeping on the bed. Her with some of her clothes back on and me completely naked. Two guys who I know but wouldn't really call friends come in and laugh at the scene, making sure to point out my spongebob squarepants boxers that were lying on the floor. I had the nickname spongebob for a while. Really not funny.

- I fucked a girl and shortly after found out that she had given birth mere months before :O. I was drunk so I wasn't bothered too much though.

- At a gigantic annual concert event thing, I am picked up by a very hot 29 year old who tells me that she has a kid back home. She introduces me to her married friends who she's staying with and after a few more drinks, the two of us go back to their trailer and she sucks me off for like 20 minutes (seth's right, being drunk is great for endurance) but doesn't wanna fuck because she knows the dangers of unprotected sex and neither of us had condoms. So she continues blowing me and my phone rings. I kind of laugh and she says I should probably answer it as it could be my friends looking for me. It turns out it was just a friend from home who didn't make it out to the concerts but wanted to know how it was. He then asks to speak to the girl (woman!) and I let him. It was weird!

There's another 2 worth mentioning but they're thoroughly disgusting and the kind of things you only let out when you're drunk with friends and sharing stories.
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That was very funny. Well done.
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