Originally Posted by Blasted Child
I remember once way back when I was but a silly teenager, I was going to a disco but had run out of deoderant, so in panic I smeared toothpaste under my armpits.
Go to a doct- ... I mean an holistic medical practicioner immediately. They will probably diagnose you with Pit Cancer, and start you on a rigid therapy of rubbing pumice stones all over your upper torso and lymphatic system, which will of course include your nether regions.
Win-win, I say.
EDIT: The stones may be a bit too rough in places - maybe there's an option to use massage oil or organic whipped cream instead.