[Carnivore]

Evil Empire Enterprises Reports No Earnings for Ninth Consecutive Quarter
Absolutely pathetic!
December 9, 2003

New York - Evil Empire Enterprises (EEE) reported no earnings for the ninth consecutive quarter this Tuesday. Stock prices for the company, which claims to produce quality insults, witticisms, and comebacks, were unaffected as the prices reached negative numbers just two days after the company's IPO.

Market experts were not surprised by the report, having predicted yet another poor showing. "Their products are, by far, the poorest quality, most useless, lamest to be found anywhere! They somehow manage to dig the pit of suck deeper and deeper every quarter!" a panel of experts concluded. It was hoped that the company would, after nine dismal quarters, finally realize its existence was worthless and fold. Evil Empire CEO Mad Max continues to defy the experts and, indeed, the world, saying "They're all just a bunch of fucktards." In a recent poll, virtually all respondants believed the company should be eradicated, and Mad Max summarily executed for his contemptible idiocy.

Unfortunately, it seems that Mad Max is determined to press on with his failed experiment. He recently attempted to verbally assault Max Burbank, respected I-Mockery regular. The attack was a complete failure and served to make Mad Max and Evil Empire Enterprises look even more idiotic in the eyes of the world.