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Old Nov 7th, 2009, 02:27 AM       

Ok, this is the year that I got laid off from Sprint. For those of you who were around then you may remember that I was kind of happy about losing that job. I was pretty much getting paid to come on i-mockery, but if you have ever seen Office Space then you understand how I felt about Sprint. I am the type of guy who likes to work, I am awful if I have a lot of down time.

I get laid off in march and get three months severence pay. Three things happen during this period of time that are embarassing to me personally, but again important to set the end of things:

1. I get smaked out of my gourd every day. For the purpose of conversation I will say I was drinking and I was doing it heavily. I had already lined up a job and had nothing to do for three months except collect checks and get fucked up.

2. I watched the news. I was off work from the very first day of the gulf war, and if you were too young, or had a job maybe you did not get to see the full range of coverage but there was some very, very trippy shit happening in the early days of that war that got shown on the news. Well, the news also did a special segment on a special, legal, way of getting fucked up for cheap. and so I watched a lot of the war in a highly altered state of mind. I also watched the LOTR like a million times.

3. I got too fucked up one night and while sitting outside looking at the stars (and for those of you who have been to what me and the kids refer to as "the white house" you know that there is NOTHING nearby) I had a seizure and from my point of view died in my front yard. I had a vision, it was really fucked up (a story for another day). I woke up to the kids burying me, cause they thought it was funny.

now, you would think I had learned my lesson. but i didnt. i got worse. so at this point Nancy had just about enough of me and my new habits. Mostly cause she had to spend a lot of time at home instead of going out with her friends because I could not be counted on to do ANYTHING except get fucked up and watch LOTR. i in no way try to justify my behavior, but my point of view at the time was that I was on vacation with pay. I was deep in a bad habit, and anyone that has been an addict, or lived with one knows how selfish and self serving they can be. I was as bad as any i can imagine.

until, one day I was watching 60 minutes and they did a special on GHB addiction. this guys kids filmed his deterioration as he got more and more addicted. they did it to try and show him that he had a problem, and man this cat had a BIG fucking problem. The segment ended with this guy blowing his parole by drinking floor cleaner in a Sears cause it had GHB in it.

i went to sleep that night bummed because I was going to have to be sober the next day becuase i had to go to my grandmothers funeral. When I woke up in the morning and looked around my room there was nothing but empty bottles all around my room. It would be a while later that I would see Requim to a Dream but I understood the final scene when the girl is siting in her apartment with about a million bits of paper all around. i was horrified. the whole thing with the guy on TV suddenly came back to me. For the most part I was worried about the kids (i have had open discussions with them about this period of time, and none of them remember anything except that they fucking hate the LOTR, or at least so they say). I quit my new habits that morning, I have been mother and father for these children for most of their lives. They needed me back from vacation.

Nancy loved the fact I had fallen down. Now for those of you who have never been in a NEED based realtionship, there is always the Needy one and the strong one. Nancy knew she was the needy one, and absolutely hated me for it. Now that she had a stick to beat me with, she used my actions to justify ANYTHING she did. and man she did anything.

tax collectors, fishermen and whores, baby.
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