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Pub Lover Pub Lover is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Mogadishu, Texas
Old Jun 25th, 2008, 02:55 PM       
Is "the wind chill the wind" an american phrase I'm unfamiliar with? Otherwise it's wrong.

You say 'soon' twice in consecutive sentences.
There are a couple of other things I would fix, but from having read some of your other work, I'll just put them down as your style.
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