Nice stuff, DonkeyRyan! I'm glad you finally got it.
I like how MrSmiley381 tied them all together with the game.
And he invented a new word; all who lose the game shall both take a beaten, and then be eaten, or "bea eaten". Brilliant!
Pentegarn: As far as I know, it's acceptable to send condoms, as long as they are not ribbed, and clearly labeled as "first aid".