[Grislygus]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
Define "jobs".

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
Real or fake?

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
It actually was my boss pretending to be a girl.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
I had sex with my boss earlier.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
I'd tell her I raced to New York City after 911 and rescued firefighters from the rubble.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
Hahahaha.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Call all of the lazy motherfuckers I've lent money to.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
I would never, ever do something like that unless I could somehow profit from it.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
Rent? Rent? Cute.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
I promise that I would switch to chew instead and never leave your side, even while spitting.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
I'm already rich. Filthy, stinking, immorally rich. And yes, by the way.

12. have you read them?
Read them? I will have you know that I am practically a scholar on Calvin and Hobbes.

13. did you really go to college?
Yes.

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
Any direct orders I give you will be clear, precise, and typed in advance.

15. do you talk in cliches?
I am an original, unique, almost godlike figure that does not bore himself with repetitive drivel. You aren't allowed to bore him with repetitive drivel, either.