Uncle Ed’s package arrived today. Inside was the usual mix of stuff.
In his own style nothing had been wrapped if you did not count the newspaper padding around the plastic figures. Always fun to rummage through but this time, clear as day was a small Barney the Purple Dinosaur doll and story book attached. I laughed and laughed and laughed until a friend saw and ran to get the orange pill bottle that would set me right.
‘Uncle Ed Broke Vila!!’ was the call that went up.
After the anti-psychotics were swallowed and the Barney doll removed I explained to the small gathered crowd of friends and family that back in the day I use to baby sit a neighbors kids who would watch that damn dinosaur sing for hours and hours at a time, finally causing me to loose a small bit of my mind.
The wizarding figures were alright enough and now rest in the bottom of my frog tank where they are being much enjoyed by Freddy The Frightened Frog Who Lived On A Log Down In The Bog. Long name for a tiny African Dwarf Frog. Then again he was nearly five years old and not nearly as tiny as he use to be.
The CD sparked a malicious glint in Vila’s eyes. Now she finally had a weapon worthy of the feud that was taking place. The neighbors and she would take turns on their vacations playing the most ridiculous music they could find as loud as they could. After her CD of Chinese Opera had disappeared, Vila had been in dire need of another CD. There was nothing wrong with the Star Wars theme, but four different cuts of the song played at level 90 for a week strait would be more than enough to annoy the neighbors.
The N’Sync magnet was another great laugh as I am more likely to be found listening to bands such as E Nomine. These packaged product bands that the record companies put out hardly drew my attention. Yet another sign that Uncle Ed who’s intentions were always good but always falling far short of the mark.
The Hat was hilarious and I wore it for the rest of the day. It was clearly suppose to be a re-gift meant for Uncle Ed, but he wasn’t going to get this one back!! I swapped it for my old Cowboy Hat and even tough people stared at me when I was out and about I smiled on. Hell this is Bakersfield. It’s not as if the town is too good for this hat. Hell this is the town where the natives actually brag about reclaiming items from the dump and taking them hope and refurbishing them.
‘I haven’t seen one of these in years’ I said holding up the wooden snake and wiggling it for a minute. It brought back memories of that old movie my little brother liked so much … what was it’s name? Little Ninjas … Kid Ninjas … or something?
The glass chess set was a surprisingly touch of class from Uncle Ed, who had never played chess a day in his life.
The candy canes and Pirates of the Caribbean chocolate coins seemed to have been added as an after thought to add cheer to the gift and they were gone before the day was out.
