[kahljorn]

I'm going to respond even though I have no idea what to say.

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?

DID YOU EVER THINK THAT MAYBE IM A SECRET AGENT AND I CSNT SHARE THESE THINGS

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?

THAT'S LOW BROW!

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?

NO BECAUSE THATS AN EASY WAY TO LOOK LIKE YOURE CHEATING

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?

BECAUSE AFTER SEX AND BEFORE SEX OCCUR AT THE SAME MOMENT

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?

lol well maybe you didn't know this but that dog actually SAVED LIVES and KILLED AT LEAST FIVE TERRORISTS BEFORE SURVIVING A PLANE CRASH AND EXPLOISION and a building falling on him.

He was my ex-partner in the secret services for fucks suck! I told you about the time that we fought the evil MUGWORT ALLIANCE RELIEF FORCE SINGLE-HANDIDLY and i killed at least ten people with my bare hands and also everyone likes my heroic stories!

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?

depends on how embarrassed of it I am.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?

HUMAN RESOURCES DEPARTMENT EXPEDITED EMERGENCY THREE DAY SERVICE/steal.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?

I don't know what snap-on is so I would probably say zero dollars also I buy everything in cash!

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?

NO!

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?

I don't like cigarettes I like joints and I'd only need one to start feeling good then I would come back and trip out on LIFE and also you probably wouldn't mind cause you'd be cool like that.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?

Yes!

12. have you read them?

A decent percentage of them!

13. did you really go to college?

YES!

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?

If you knew what the hell I was talking about!

15. do you talk in cliches?

Probably i think everybody talks in cliches and that's why I try not to talk at all.