[Jixby Phillips]

I knew a retarded kid named Kevin who had a dog named SAFEWAY and I always thought that was awesome, because I imagined him calling his name and stuff. "SAAAAFEWAAAY!"

I've told this story many times before: One day his brother walked in on him and Kevin was putting on every pair of underwear he owned. When asked what he was doing, Kevin replied "I'M IN DISGUISE"