[Kitsa]

Dear Prudence,
I began dating a man last summer, and it has slowly turned into something serious. He is a great person, I am head over heels for him,
and he indicates he feels the same way about me. We recently said, "I love you." We have excellent chemistry in the bedroom as well,
but recently he brought up that he loves anal sex and that it's a fetish of his. We have tried a couple of times, but I often shy away and
feel uncomfortable. He even told me that it's a make-or-break for him in a relationship. I'm a pretty open person, but I'm afraid that I'll
never be as into anal sex as he is, if at all. Should I bite the bullet and just go for it or let him know that I'll probably never enjoy it to the
extent he does and let this "break" our relationship?
—Make or Break


Dear Make,
You may be head over heels, but if you don't like what he has to offer, try not to land facedown. Joan Rivers has a line that she loves
anal sex because it frees her up to read a book or check her BlackBerry, but I don't think that's going to work for you. Your boyfriend
is kind of a bum for allowing your relationship to progress so far without letting you know about his fixation. Surely he's aware that it's
the kind of thing that could make someone want to turn tail and run. There he is, getting that look in his eye, and there you are thinking,
It's time to pick up another tube of Preparation H. I've gotten crosswise with the fetish community before, because I disagree with their
assertion that if you love someone with a fetish, you should accommodate it. I wonder why they don't think it's equally true that if you
love someone who has no interest in your fetish, that person should be accommodated—especially if the fetish makes it difficult to sit at
your desk the following day. I know that for the gay community, anal sex is not a "fetish" but a standard part of the repertoire, and that
it's also a common variation for many heterosexuals. But your boyfriend is now saying that this is his regular entrée and not just an
occasional amuse bouche. You've tried to stick it out for his sake, but in the end you just don't enjoy it. I don't see that you have much
choice except to leave him behind.
—Prudie