[Grislygus]

Do you have an chemical imbalance? Then the solution is medication. If not, follow me on Greasy Gus' Patented Twelve Step Program!

REPEAT AFTER ME:
1. As I have no genuine disorders, I am depressed because I'm not the person I want to be!

2. I am not the person I want to be because of my own decisions!

3. Though I'm a moody, lazy, unmotivated little twerp with a weight problem and little control over his/her own impulses, I am in control of my analysis of the situation!

4. I accept reality, and adamantly refuse to blame anyone else for my own decisions!

5. Now that I have a spine, I hereby resolve to slowly but resolutely improve myself!

6. Fuck, I haven't been improving myself!

7. Now I'm crying!

8. Still not improving myself!

9. Now I am seriously sick of this bullshit! I will now take up something constructive and therapeutic, like weight lifting or art
while striving towards forging a career in the real world, getting my own home, and not leeching off of my parents when I am [insert realistic target age here.]!

10. I recognize that I will never be perfect, while continuing to strive towards my goals!

11. I have now achieved my goals!

12. I now have an entirely new set of problems, and am more miserable, dejected, and pathetic than ever before!