He tried to light me on fire

He tried to molest a zebra in Her Majesty's presence

He tried to hit me with a funnoodle

He tried to give my dog mental anguish

He tried to make Guitar Woman sexually frustrated

He tried to hurl a brick at the urologist's office

He tried to rip off Aladdin's clothes at Disneyland and make him his personal "carpet caddy", only to find that it was his sister in drag

He tried to measure himself without using standardized units

He tried to rape his PS2, thinking the expansion deck was a sex hole

He tried to use the pick-up line "Could you bend over I'd like to see your asscrack" on Harry Potter

He tried to use the same line on his Mother as well

He tried to see how many licks it takes to get to the center of an anatomically correct snowman

He tried to see if it could just be one
very long lick

He tried to get jury duty so he could be locked in a room with eleven strangers

He tried to create "The Elevator of Fruit Bat Erotica"
