Nov 25th, 2008, 09:54 AM
It was 10 PM when I got the phone call from Kimczak.
"What is it?" I was in a particularly good mood and did not want to be interrupted. I was listening to Jon Dunbar speaking drunk about how I am his best friend on the Korean peninsula which never gets old because it strikes home as both true and profound. Of course, because Jon was drunk the conversation flipped back and forth from the fact that we were best friends and the fact that it was so strange that we had uncovered the Slavic community but both of these seemed to tie in together somehow.
"I don't know what is wrong but we are at the Airport and I do not see your friend. He is gone or something." I sighed. As a man who served in the Army I realized that the likelihood of Kamyar actually not arriving there or having randomly wandered off was nonexistent. He would have called and he would have had enough common sense, even for an alcoholic Anglo-Iranian, to wait at the airport. However, I imagined he may indeed be passed out drunkenly at some location in the airport that may theoretically require effort to find.
"Kimczak... Stay there... I will be there soon." I hung up the phone before he could protest. I know he did not want to wait at Incheon airport while I drove 45 minutes but he had no choice in the matter.
I began pushing Yolanta off of me and stated quite simply that we were driving to Incheon.
"I'm... Drunk."
"That's OK," I said. "I'll drive." Naturally the slightly less inebriated people at the party protested but these fell on my deaf ears. I then told the blatant lie that instead I would take a taxi right as I reached for my keys. None realized that I would have no purpose for these keys as I would not be locking the door on a room full of 15 people.
I felt aggravated and upset and Yolanta was still in a good mood and talkative but being in a substance induced state of mind I did not have the common courtesy to accommodate her conversation. I took on a very cold tone and barely acknowledged her as we drove until she finally became quiet and got a slightly hurt look on her face. She was not used to the brooding, irritated Verv and I was too drunk to put on a mask to hide this part of me.
I began smiling in a very sadistic manner as I realized the silence was absolutely killing her -- she had tried to work my car radio but it simply had no antenna because I did not need one. I never listened to the radio, only to my own MP3s. She did not feel like she had the right to turn on my iPod to listen to music and though she noticed me noticing her fiddling with nobs I had decided I would not turn on my iPod and we would simply take this ride in complete silence.
She was drunk and she liked me and we were passing a beautiful evening together and now she was hurt and confused by my behavior and she brought her knees to her chest and folded her arms around them assuming one of those teenage fetal positions. My inner smile grew. I've never been able to explain it but I have always loved pushing the buttons of women in my life. I think because my mother set no standards for me it was always a relief when she was irritated because it seemed like someone cared. I guess I liked shitting on these women because I loved seeing them care.
Yolanta looked out the window for a while and then sighed.
"What's wrong, Verv? Why are you acting this way?"
"Oh... I am just concentrating... On driving. I am drunk... You know..." She audibly sighed, continued looking out the window into darkness.
When we arrived at the Incheon airport 20 minutes later she looked at me the whole time I was finding parking places, trying to look for some sort of reaction. I did not return the look even for a moment and exited the car and closed my door. I was so intent on not looking at her I wondered if she would follow and was delighted that she did not.
I guess I was delighted because I figured there would be a good chance she would be crying or on the verge of tears when I returned. I'd seen Yolanta cry while drunk before and I knew she was the type to mask her sensitive feelings in a punk rock image. I thought the best 'welcome to Korea, enjoy your stay' gift I could give Kamyar was one of Yolanta's tears.
Soon I saw Kimczak and Bialy standing about outside the airport with confused expressions. Kimczak went into the same spiel about not being able to find him and then expressed concern at my drunkenness and my driving. I just laughed.
"Follow me... I'm in the Infantry!" I said simply to them. Kimczak annoying corrected me by pointing out that I was just a driver and a MI guy when I was in the Army. I said 'same difference.'
After 10 minutes of looking around I came to the bus stops and saw an odd figure in a suitcase rack. I knew immediately it was Kamyar who was fast asleep. After a few pokes he looked up and smiled drunkenly. Only Kamyar would do this.
"Wah wah wee wow..." I simply said, with a smile, and Bialy did the same and soon we were all saying 'wah wah wee wow' and the first moments Kamyar and I ever spent with one another were spent doing Borat impressions and shaking hands. I was delighted that Kamyar was already drunk.
The banter continued and when we got to the car Yolanta was red faced and nursing a screwdriver I did not even know she had brought with. She tried to look tight lipped and mad.
"Oh shit, Yolanta is fucking mad... What did you do, Verv?" Kimczak said this with the same hilarity he always said everything. The world could be ending and he would still say it in the same voice. I do not think the man had any other emotion besides a general jovial commentary on the worst of situations. It was like he was separate from everything.
"I don't know, man... I'll cheer her up." I smiled. Everyone could tell from my smile that I would do anything but. Kamyar was not sure how to act so he just half-grinned, split between Kimczak's general amusement at life situations, my sadistic alcohol induced mood and Bialy's withdrawal into himself in these rough times.
Everybody entered the car which became a tomb of silence. Yolanta's skin had turned pink and she kept pushing her blond hair back, looking at the ground. Kimczak politely made conversation about nothing with Kamyar in very hushed tones while Bialy looked on in concern. I wore an eerily happy smile while looking at Kamyar and asking him lewd questions about the flight attendants. Somehow Kamyar had the common decency even while intoxicated to not play into these.
As this died out I decided I wanted to see fireworks just like any human being does and now that we were on the highway it was a good opportunity.
"Why the long face, pussycat? Give me a smile!" I said to Yolanta. The silence somehow grew even thicker. She looked away and didn't respond. Kimczak laughed under his breath and I heard him whisper 'oh, fuck' to Kamyar. At least someone enjoyed a continuation of our Borat references.
"Come on, pussycat... It is a long road back to Hweegyeongdong..." She hunched over a little and looked straight forward. I looked closely and I could see only sadness on her face. I was shitting on her day and shitting on the build up we've had for the last few weeks and I was laughing on the inside in the way only mad men understood -- I was like the man setting his own car on fire or kicking his dog just to hear it yelp.
A small tear rolled down her cheek which she quickly wiped. The whole situation was such pure madness to her -- intelligent conversation and total bonding over punk rock and Leni Riefenstahl and weeks of perfect friendship that hinted at something more being reduced to this senseless act of cruelty. My drunken self ate this up like a Lioness eating a gazelle.
"Pussycat, do you want to listen to some Kaki Buchae? 'Bong, bing, bong bong bing bing bing?'" I knew somehow I had fucked up the reference but it really did not matter at this point. Joking about Borat was just the perfect hell I could create in the moment and she began weeping softly and openly.
"What the fuck are you doing to me?" She wiped her eyes and at that moment my whole body shot forward with some inexplicable burst of emotion; half of me was about to burst into laughter and another part of me wanted to put a gun to my head and blow out my brains, wondering why I always did this; wondering why I got a kick out of any of this.
"Oh fuck, Verv... Why do you have to be such an asshole?" Kimczak mumbled. It made me smile a little wider on the inside and come that much closer to wanting to theoretically blow my brains out.
"What did I do... Why are you doing this?" Yolanta had waited a few more painful moments and suddenly I began feeling sad about the whole situation and I wanted to cry and I was hoping for something to happen that would make everything better. I had slightly sobered and realized the state that I was in...
I guess I always liked shitting on something beautiful because once I had anything beautiful it quickly began feeling like a nice shirt that I am too afraid to wear to dinner because it might get stains on it. I had only had one of those shirts before and I had decided to never buy one like it again. I hated the color white.
I hated that Yolanta was 20 and pretty if not a little country-ish and naive in her appearances. I hated that she listened to good skinhead and punk music and was impressed by my stories and paid me such large honors, speaking of me in high regard and treating me like some sort of idol. Once in a blue moon I can find a woman who worships the ground I walk on and the last thing I needed in my life was another figure to unconditionally love me and laugh at my jokes and slowly evolve into my emotional punching bag.
I hated the fact that if I told her things it might actually influence in some way the way she thought. I hated that she respected me as a human being. I hated her for liking me and giving me this opportunity to turn my back on Yongjugol whores and actually have a relationship with someone.
The only women I could ever like were the ones who didn't like me.
My plan to give Kamyar Yolanta's tears as a gift seemed like it had generally failed as I realized that some stranger's sadness actually was not really quite a gift.
I was not sure what I was about to say but I was determined that whatever came out next would fix the situation.
"Yolanta..."
"What?"
"I was just trying to drive... And I was drunk... And I was so angry because... No one could find Kamyar. And I was worried. And I couldn't concentrate. And Kamyar is such a good friend. So I didn't know what to do and I didn't want to talk. And... I didn't know what to say... And... I was worried that Kamyar would be... Offended... That we were so late... I'm just really stressed, Yola. And I never do anything right. And I am so worried that my neighbors are going to ruin our party and... We even got marijuana in there. We're gonna die. I do not know what to do. I do not even know why I am driving this car drunk." My voice got more emotional as I spoke.
Kimczak was the first to respond with an "Oh, fuck..." I am not sure what he meant to convey with it but it seemed accurate either way.
"Really?" Yolanta sniffled. We were quiet again. "I'm sorry... I... Didn't understand..."
"Yeah you know I was just stressed and I didn't know how to respond and I am drunk so..."
"OK..."
Everything slowly got better over the next 15 minutes and the situation was diffused. We saw one of those Korean vans that sells porn on the side of the road and I made a joke and Kamyar laughed and conversation started back up as I introduced everyone to him.
The atmosphere in the party had improved even more and when we entered we saw Mihao laying on top of Walony wrestling over a bottle of tequila and everyone was laughing and Nellka the gypsy came up with a happy face and suggested we go to a Noraebang.
Everyone was happy. So we were happy.
I do not remember much else from the evening other than Kamyar singing 'Piano Man' and both he and Yolanta and Cliff trying to get my legs into a taxi cab while I held a half-used Ramyoen container beneath my mouth in case I barfed.
The next day I woke up in my underwear and a t-shirt with a fully clothed Yolanta sleeping on my floor. I could still taste vomit in my mouth.
I remember nothing else but later Kamyar told me we had a really nice conversation about his flight over at the Noraebang and that at some point I knocked over a table full of soju bottles that smashed on the floor creating a small sea of alcohol within the karaoke room; Walony, Kamyar and myself urinated on the already wet floor of the Noraebang and that was about 6 AM and we all went home.
I guess I regret not staying sober enough to remember much of my first night with Kam.
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