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Anonymous · #1

I joined a gym recently to get rrrrrripped and fight crotchety old age. They keep giving me these free passes and "gifts" to give to my "buddy" who I am supposed to convince to come with me. There are posters all over the gym saying "bring a friend and make it fun! you'll be more motivated!"
So, I have no buddies to even ask and get turned down and they are making me sad. I will keep their scented after-shave cream complimentary packets for myself alone.

I need no one

Oh andthere was this aerobics instructor who must have weighed 400lbs (no exaggeration). She couldn't even do the exercises - she just told them what to do. What kinda shit is that? Seriously though, I;ve been thinking maybe I want to be an aerobics instructor.

Evil Robot · #2

Just stand outside the gym and mutter "tickets tickets tickets" to all the people going inside. Just don't do it near any cops.

Suck 'n' Fuck · #3

If you really want to be an aerobics instructor, you have to gain 100 or 200 pounds first.

Protoclown · #4

That's cool that you're going to the gym, Re. Where are you going?

Suck 'n' Fuck · #5

When people are bench pressing, tickle their ribs and armpits.

Mr. Vagiclean · #6

Quote:

Originally Posted by Suck 'n' Fuck

When people are bench pressing, tickle their ribs and armpits.

Not only will you witness a helpless struggle to free his or her crushed neck from the almighty bench bar, you will get a satisfying gurgling noise to accompany your memory for the rest of your life

I seen it happen in my local free weight room, and let me tell ya, it ain't pretty. In fact it will get pretty fucking ugly IF they break free.

camacazio · #7

I opened this thread hoping for a friend.

Sethomas · #8

I wanna go where everybody knows my name.

Anonymous · #9

Quote:

That's cool that you're going to the gym, Re. Where are you going?

I am a Victory Lady. I actually really like the gym because it is all geared towards the womens, even the machines are built specifically for women. There are probably 20 machines just to work on your ass alone.

sspadowsky · #10

I hope I'm not out of line in saying this, but, Re, the last time I saw you, you didn't look like you needed to go to the gym.

Dole · #11

Aye, the lass needs to spend more time in the pie shop, not the gym

glowbelly · #12

mmmmmmm pie

sspadowsky · #13

Glowbelly!

EDIT:

glowbelly · #14

honk honk

bedtime

ps: doopa, i would be your buddy any day of the week.

Dole · #15

what are you people doing awake at this ungodly hour??

ziggytrix · #16

Quote:

Originally Posted by sspadowsky

the last time I saw you, you didn't look like you needed to go to the gym.

she didn't say she was doing it to lose weight. i know my mental health is always better when i'm getting good regular excercise, and we know how doopa gets the blues.

i think going to the gym is a great idea. especially if it's fun for her. plus, if you go to the gym, it means you are justified in eating more pie, and then EVERYONE is happy.

Anonymous · #17

hahaha I know I am a twig. Yeah I am not there to lose weight. Just for muscles and to be more flexible, and yeah it supposed to be good for depression (even though they are making me sad with the buddy propaganda, fuck them all). I think it's supposed to help anxiety too, annnd my heart rate is way too high even at rest so I am hoping maybe this will eventually lower it.
I met with a trainer who told me what to do and how long to do it. She told me not to do a lot of cardio so I wouldn't burn up tons of calories since I am underweight. I'll get a stack of pies ready just in case

Quote:

ps: doopa, i would be your buddy any day of the week.

ok. this saturday. be there! I will bring your complimentary packet of after-shave cream. I will also rub it on you if you so wish

Buffalo Tom · #18

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doopa

Just for muscles and to be more flexible, and yeah it supposed to be good for depression (even though they are making me sad with the buddy propaganda, fuck them all). I think it's supposed to help anxiety too, annnd my heart rate is way too high even at rest so I am hoping maybe this will eventually lower it.

I have a high heart rate too, even though I run and swim regularly, and train 4 times a week at the dojo.

You should take up a martial art, like tai chi or karate. They have a lot of breathing exercises that you can use in your every day life, your strength and flexibility will improve by just doing the movements, and you can practice the katas anywhere at any time. It's a good way to make friends. There are some dojos that cater strictly to women.

EDIT: Plus, it's always cool to see a small person like yourself kick serious ass.

Cosmo Electrolux · #19

Hey Doopa! I'm an aerobics instructor and I'm not 400 lbs...but I've seen several that are pretty large...yep.
I think you should be an instructor..go to www.afaa.com and read up on it...or go to www.acefitness.org...they issue the certifications. You'd be great.

and...don't give up just because you have no partner...look for someone at the gym you can partner up with...someone not too lame....maybe someone who is thin and has pie filling on her face..

similar fitness goals, you know.