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  #1  
Sicktodeathmx Sicktodeathmx is offline
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Old Jan 26th, 2004, 02:53 PM        This made me smile.
WHAT PORNOS WOULD HAVE YOU BELIEVE

1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a women off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other.(and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patients cocks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are always clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a womans butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trouser and find a cock there.
29. Men don't have to beg.
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.
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Cosmo Electrolux Cosmo Electrolux is offline
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Old Jan 26th, 2004, 03:15 PM       
um...okay.
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Jason Jason is offline
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Old Jan 26th, 2004, 04:52 PM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cosmo Electrolux
um...okay.
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Old Jan 26th, 2004, 05:21 PM       
A lot of those are true.
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Old Jan 27th, 2004, 06:58 AM       
especially number 20
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James James is offline
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Old Jan 27th, 2004, 07:34 AM        Re: This made me smile.
1. Sometimes, if you ask them nicely.
2. True, now that Viagra exists.
3. It is, as far as I'm concerned. Catch a fish, cut its belly, and see if you can stand to lick it for more than 10 seconds.
4. False.
5. They better like it, because it's gonna happen again. Many, many times.
6. They better, because that's all I got to look forward to.
7. Again, they better. Instead of debating it, just learn and fucking do it.
8. Sometimes. It CAN set them over the edge, and vice versa.
9. If a cop is willing to let you blow them in the first place, I'm willing to bet that ticket is as good as torn up.
10. The ones that aren't are selfish whores.
11. Hell, I can't even pop a boner unless I hear a wild guitar solo.
12. Sometimes, they are. But fuck, have you seen Tera Patrick? She had natural D's. Now she got a boob job, and they're all fucked up looking now. And she went blonde. She looks like a tranny.
13. If I like it, why can't she? .
14. True. Or they cry out, "WHY DIDN'T YOU LOVE ME, DADDY?".
15. If there are two of them, high-fiving is the least gay thing they just did.
16. Hey, you'd be happy too if you just succeeded in stuffing two meat poles into your most notorious of body parts.
17. They won't, once the revolution starts.
18. If you had to choose between sex or violence, which would YOU pick?
19. k.
20. Very true.
21. It's why I faked cancer.
22. k.
23. TRUE.
24. TRUE.
25. Women have ADD, and need to be brought back to focusing on the tack at hand.
26. TRUE.
27. TRUE. Come on, at least it wasn't in your hair.
28. It's like opening a Christmas present you knew you were getting.
29. Not as long as they can throw a punch.
30. True, though the second hand can also be placed on the head, for some good old-fashioned face-fucking.
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pjalne pjalne is offline
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Old Jan 27th, 2004, 08:45 AM        Re: This made me smile.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sicktodeathmx
WHAT PORNOS WOULD HAVE YOU BELIEVE
15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other.(and the girl isn't disgusted!)
I've never seen this, but I sure want to.
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  #8  
Supafly345 Supafly345 is offline
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Old Jan 27th, 2004, 09:06 AM       
Another example on why I haven't gone through my email in nearly 6 months.
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Old Jan 27th, 2004, 02:26 PM       
signature
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Sicktodeathmx Sicktodeathmx is offline
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Old Jan 27th, 2004, 03:02 PM       
Sweet! But, Choj, you don't have to beg You gots dat lovely lady! And them pink hairs!
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  #11  
Schimid Schimid is offline
...for breakfast?!
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Old Jan 27th, 2004, 03:10 PM       
"Choj"
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  #12  
HickMan HickMan is offline
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Old Jan 27th, 2004, 03:12 PM       
You beat me to it, Schimid.
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Schimid Schimid is offline
...for breakfast?!
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Old Jan 27th, 2004, 03:12 PM       
"CHOJIN MAAAAAAAN!"
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Cap'n Crunch Cap'n Crunch is offline
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Old Jan 27th, 2004, 03:26 PM       
IS THIS ONE OF THOSE THINGS I FIND IN PEOPLE'S AIM PROFILES?
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FartinMowler FartinMowler is offline
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Old Jan 27th, 2004, 06:28 PM       
I bet James mumbles and eat's crackers in bed.
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Old Jan 27th, 2004, 07:07 PM       
i thought you were leaving, fartin
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Cosmo Electrolux Cosmo Electrolux is offline
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Old Jan 27th, 2004, 08:32 PM       
I'm having Deja Vu....did he post a "I'm leaving and never coming back thread" too?
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Old Jan 27th, 2004, 08:39 PM       
http://www.i-mockery.net/viewtopic.php?t=9043
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liquidstatik liquidstatik is offline
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Old Jan 27th, 2004, 08:42 PM       
I don't watch porn.
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The Unseen The Unseen is offline
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Old Jan 27th, 2004, 09:08 PM       
Me neither, Liquidstatik, we're more alike than you think
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MisSFiT MisSFiT is offline
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Old Jan 28th, 2004, 01:29 AM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by liquidstatik
I don't watch porn.
Why not?
They are very educational.
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Cosmo Electrolux Cosmo Electrolux is offline
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Old Jan 28th, 2004, 07:51 AM       
whatever happened to just leaving? No one cares! Just fucking leave!
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rainbowbrite rainbowbrite is offline
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Old Feb 3rd, 2004, 10:01 PM       
#17 is there cause the rumor of it is that asian men have small penis', and we all know that to be in porn you have to be outragiously huge.
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Jixby Phillips Jixby Phillips is offline
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Old Feb 4th, 2004, 12:11 AM       
17. DUH WAIT OKAY LET ME SEE IF I UNDERSTAND THIS BLAH BLAH BLAH OH WAIT DID I GET IT!
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