Presidential Résumé

[Anonymous]

George W. Bush, The White House, USA

Past Work Experience:

> I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.

> I produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.

> I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; the company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

> I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.

> With my father's help and name, I was elected Governor of Texas.


Accomplishments as Governor:

> I changed pollution laws in favor of the power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union.

> I replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog-ridden city in America.

> I cut taxes and bankrupted Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

> I set the record for the most executions by any Governor in American history.

> I became U.S. President after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes with the help of major Enron money and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court.


Accomplishments as President:

> I attacked and overtook two countries.

> I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.

> I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.

> I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.

> I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market.

> My record for environmental issues is the least of my concerns.

> I am the first president in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.

> I set the the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one year period.

> After taking-off the entire month of August, I then presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

> I am supporting development of a "Tactical Bunker Buster" nuke, a WMD.

> I am getting our troops killed, under the lie of Saddam's procurement of Yellow Cake Nuke WMD components, then blaming the lie on our British friends.

> I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. president.

> In my first year in office over 2-million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.

> I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

> I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any president in U.S. history.

> I set the record for least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.

> I signed more laws and executive orders effectively amending or ignoring the Constitution than any president in history.

> I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

> I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history and refused to use national reserves as past presidents have done.

> I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in dutybenefits for active duty troops and their families -- in war time.

> I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously> protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.

> I've dissolved more international treaties than any president in U.S. history.

> I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

> I am the first president in U.S. history to have almost all 50 states of the Union simultaneously suffer massive financial crisis.

> I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in history.

> I am the first president in U.S. history to order a pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will of the United Nations and the world community.

> I set the all-time record for biggest, annual, budget spending increases -- more than any president in history.

> I am the first president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

> I am the first president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Elections Monitoring Board.

> I removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in U.S. history.

> I rendered the entire United Nation's viewpoints irrelevant.

> I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

> I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. "prisoners of war" (detainees) and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

> I am the first president in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).

> I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.

> My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation) presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history. My political party used the Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.

> I have spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in U.S. history.

> I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks, and less than a year later made the U.S. the most resented country in the world, possibly the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.

> I am first president in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.

> I am the first U.S. president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the U.S. than by their immediate neighbor, North Korea.

> I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

> I set an all-time record for the number of administration appointees who violated U.S. law by not selling their huge personal investments in corporations bidding for U.S. contracts.

> I failed to fulfill my pledge to capture Osama Bin Laden, dead or alive.

> I failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the U.S. Capitol Building. Even after 18 months I have no leads and no credible suspects.

> In the past 18 months following the World Trade Center attack I have successfully hampered public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.

> I entered my office with the strongest economy in U.S. history and have turned every single economic category downward -- all in less than two years.


Records and References:

> I have at least one drunk driving in Maine. My Texas driving record has been erased and is not available.

> I was AWOL from the National Guard.

> I refuse to take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.

> All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed, and unavailable for public view.

> All records of SEC investigations into insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

> All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.


~ Please consider my experience when voting in 2004. ~

Let it be known I don't agree with all of this. In one part the writer is bitching about him spending all the reserves and in another bitching about him not spending reserves to lower gas prices, and most of the problems are sub-categories of bigger issues addressed earlier in the file.

Source was unclaimed in the e-mail I received, but one of you can probably find it on google if you care that badly.

[Big McLargehuge]

Idiot liberal

[El Blanco]

Can we all agree that more than half that list is bullshit, or do you want it broken down?

[Anonymous]

Isn't that what this gay forum is for, breaky mcbreakerton?

[VinceZeb]

I love it when people bring up this death penalty shit. Don't they realize that the governor has only the power to deny a 11th hour saving of a person FROM a death penalty. The COURTS decide who gets the d.p. and who doesn't.

That's just the quickest one to bring up I can think of.

Oh, wait, the "surplus": The goverment makes money by taxing us. If there is a "surplus", that means the govt took MORE of OUR money than it needed to sustain itself. Anyone else see where this is wrong?

Oh wait, I'm on this board, which means maybe 3 people will.

[Anonymous]

My mommy sent this to me. No doubt after giving you a rimjob, massaging your feet, and administering your manicure.

[kellychaos]

Originally Posted by El Blanco

Can we all agree that more than half that list is bullshit, or do you want it broken down?

Even if he's only guilty of half of it, that isn't that great either, n'est-ce pas? :/

[Royal Tenenbaum]

The best part of that whole list is that that man is YOUR fucking PRESIDENT! I mean seriously, how could you people let that happen? It's just so saddening.

[ranxer]

sad and embarrasing, frustrating and infuriating.. this presidency and americans capitulations reminds me sometimes of scenes from spaceballs.. Ludicrous Speed!!!

[Perndog]

Tenenbaum, as often as people call the US "government by and for the people," we didn't have a lot of say in putting Bush in office. Remember that the rednecks breed like rabbits in mississibi and alabama, and stupidity does not prevent you from voting.

Anyway, no matter how much of that list is accurate, George Bush is a fuck-up. It doesn't need to be explained in detail.

[UtterParadox]

This is officially the 10,000th slam at Bush I have seen since the election ended.

Therefore, simply to provide an opposing viewpoint, I have begun to support the war.

[Big Papa Goat]

Originally Posted by VinceZeb

I love it when people bring up this death penalty shit. Don't they realize that the governor has only the power to deny a 11th hour saving of a person FROM a death penalty. The COURTS decide who gets the d.p. and who doesn't.

That's just the quickest one to bring up I can think of.

Oh, wait, the "surplus": The goverment makes money by taxing us. If there is a "surplus", that means the govt took MORE of OUR money than it needed to sustain itself. Anyone else see where this is wrong?

Oh wait, I'm on this board, which means maybe 3 people will.

So because the government took more money then it should have, it should waste that extra money?

[VinceZeb]

No, it should give it back. But then again, we just had the second anniversary of when World War IV started. Spending money to protecting the United States and our interests is a grand idea. It seems to me that the only time liberals worry about spending money and the cost of things is when it comes to the military or defense budgets. If it has something to do with their ineffective and socalist "services", then we should write blank checks because money cures the ills apparently that no work ethic and entitement mentalities create.

[KevinTheOmnivore]

DAMN!!!

I feel like an ass.

It has JUST dawned on me that VinceZeb is totally a made up character, probably devised by Max. There's no WAY anybody on earth could be such a walking/talking Grover Norquist cliche.....

[Big Papa Goat]

Whats your Federal governments debt again Vince? Maybe the government didn't really have enough money to sustain itself to begin with. :/

[punkgrrrlie10]

Originally Posted by Royal Tenenbaum

The best part of that whole list is that that man is YOUR fucking PRESIDENT! I mean seriously, how could you people let that happen? It's just so saddening.

Well if you think about it, "we" didn't let it happen. There were 5 people on the Sup. Ct. who made it happen.

[O71394658]

Much of that list has been disproven. I'm not even going to bother with it here, as half of that is common sense. This was already taken care of at Newsfilter.

Link.

[KevinTheOmnivore]

I'm not one for these lists anyway, but a lot of those "retorts" on Newsfilter were a load of crap as well.

EX:

8. bush attacked and overtook two countries, promised to rebuild them and has not yet done so.

I'm going to stop here because it sounds like a 5th grader wrote this. Please tell me how long it took to establish America. I mean the wars, Declaration of Independence and so on. 6 months...right?

Conservatives need to stop pretending two things, 1. that anything of real substance is being done in Afghanistan, and 2. That the problems in Iraq are merely little bumps in the road, or whatever Don Rumsfeld called it.

This war in Iraq started out as our most successful, efficient, and careful war of all time. It has since gone down hill. Now folks on the Left may disagree with me, but I agree that we need to be in Iraq right now. I'm not an anti-nation building conservative, I am a Liberal (for the most part). As Thomas Friedman put it, we broke it, now we need to fix it. But the Right however has been in this disturbing state of denial over this war. There were no WMD, and even if they find them, they won't be the "stockpiles" this administration promised us. Iraq is NOT the nation that could attack within 45 min., like Secretary Powell had warned us. This nation had NOTHING to do with 9/11. The critics of this war were fucking right, and it's time for the Right to own up to this.....

Afghanistan: It is the French and the Canadians who have taken a lead role here, NOT the United States. The Taliban are rising to power once again, and Karzai's days may be numbered. This is NOT a slow and steady process, this is NOT comparable to the growth of America, this is a tragedy, a blunder, and a shameful mistake.

[Zhukov]

Criminy! When was world war three?!

[VinceZeb]

WWIII was between the your god, communism, and the United States. It was won by Ronald Reagan and the U.S. in the early 90s, to the disdain of liberals everywhere.

When the Soviet Union went tits-up, I'm suprised academics and media elities werent commiting mass suicide.

[Immortal Goat]

Hmmm. Umm, Vinth? I think you should go back to grade school and read a history book. There never was a World War III. And there is no way this is WWIV, because it is mainly only the United States and Iraq fighting.

[Zhukov]

WHAAAAAT?! We lost?! The my god was destroyed?!

> I failed to fulfill my pledge to capture Osama Bin Laden, dead or alive.

Well, so has everyone who made this pledge.

[punkgrrrlie10]

Originally Posted by VinceZeb

WWIII was between the your god, communism, and the United States. It was won by Ronald Reagan and the U.S. in the early 90s, to the disdain of liberals everywhere.

When the Soviet Union went tits-up, I'm suprised academics and media elities werent commiting mass suicide.

And yet was a result of us arming and training afghanis to help the USSR collapse....what was the end result of that??

[VinceZeb]

People with IQs over 29 with any interest in the world usually will tell you that WWIII was the Western World vs Communism, mainly U.S. vs Soviet Union. WWIV is the Islamic terrorists groups vs U.S., Israel, Britian, the Philipines, and a few other countries.

And punkgirl, if you really don't know anything about what the hell you are talking about, I STRONGLY advise you to stay out of these conversations. We did not train the Taliban. We trained a seperate group. The Al-Queda did not use commando tactics with ak-47s to destroy the World Trade Center. They flew planes into them. A 8 year old that just watched Con Air could have thought of that. We did train people to fight the Soviets... 20+ years ago. Those people were not the ones we are fighting now. Some of them are, but it is not the same group. So please, just go back to spelling your name in the trendy riot grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl way.

[AChimp]

I'm confused over this "World War III" bit. Those are some pretty big revisionist ideas you've got going there, Vinth, if you're going to turn the Cold War into WW3. :/

Oh wait, nevermind. Boortz thought of it, didn't he?