I've been holding out on another SMRS because there was one on the "Waiting to be Approved" list that I knew I'd just have to tear into. What was it? Fucking read and find out.
Movie: "Juggalo Championshit Wrestling Volume 1"
Year: 2000
Rated: Unrated
Genre: Miscellaneous
Director: Insane Clown Posse
Writer: Insane Clown Posse
Reviewer: Angryhydralisk Angryhydralisk@aol.com
Plot: Ok, the executives of Psychopathic records fight old washed-up wrestlers from theearly 80s. There's two bitche fighting, a battle royale consisting of all the Psychopathic executives (except ICP) and others. Finally, there is the main event. Insane Clown Posse vs. Doink the Clown and.....Doink the Clown! Oh yeah, there's dialogue by Handsome Harley Guastella (Gweedo), Diamond Donavon Douglas (3D), and Luscious Johnny Stark...the hosts from Stranglemania!
Review: Well, this tape was ok. The matches are short. Some suck, but some are funny. Like the Titties in the Thumbtacks match. Besides the fact they accidentally see one of the chicks topless before the match, it's pretty weak. But Evil Dead, bieng a "dead wrestler" is pretty funny to watch, and how they speculate he's really Jumpsteady wearing a stupid rubber mask. The main event is pretty cool since it's got some good fighting in it, then a pointless end, which is made up for when Raven from WCW (This was made in 2000. Remember that) kicks some ass.
Now, the commentary. I'll give them props. It's better and funnier than Stranglemania, like how they ponder about Iron Shiek's big outie belly button or how King Kong Bundy reseembles a giant penis to them. But some of the dialogue is flat out annoying.
Now what gripse me about his tape. All of the matches are too short! During the battle royale, it's down to Evil Dead and the Rock n' Roll Express in a matter of minutes. Well, ICP's match and Tom Dub's match were pretty long.
Overall, this tape is ok. I just got hopes that volume 2 and the upcoming volume 3 will be better
Overall Rating: 7
When I saw this title on the list, I immediately knew our old friend Angryhydralisk was probably the man(?) behind the review. And I was not disappointed. Well, I WAS disappointed. But I was right.
You know, this is MOVIE reviews. Just because it's on a VHS or the internet, doesn't mean it's a fucking movie. Hell, I could videotape me trimming my ass hairs and making little dolls out of them, but that doesn't make it a movie (although the plot is intriguing). Here's my rule: If you can't fucking come up with a plot, then it's not a movie (unless it's a really bad movie, like the one Jixby recently reviewed
here).
Anyway, back to this review. As far as I'm concerned, this tape isn't real. Just fucking read this thing. The review sounds like Angryhydralisk just wrote up some made-up wrestler names and match types, and just threw in ICP a couple of times.
If this is, in fact, a real tape, Angry just did a horrible job reviewing it (who would have thought!). He writes like we should all have extensive knowledge regarding ICP and their stupid endeavors. Oh, Evil Dead the wrestler? Yeah, he IS funny! God yes, this IS better than Stranglemania. Man, I have to get this, knowing that Diamond Donovan Douglas is in it!
In other words, I imagine Angry and 4 other 13-year-old "juggalos" bought this tape, and know what the fuck is going on. Why he felt this deserved a review (and an incompetently written one, at that), I'll never know. If I ever met AngryHydralisk, I'd probably stab him in the eye before I could ask him. And then he'd scream like a sissy.
I imagine that it's called ChampionSHIT wrestling for a reason. And I also imagine that AngryHydralisk's parents call him "Exhibit A in their lawsuit against Shiek Condoms" for a reason too.