bed rest :(

[sadie]

my shitty fourth:

this morning, i had a dream i was coming home from this festival, and my dad said i was a celebrity: my picture was on the cover of the newspaper. only it wasn't me; it was a side-view of one of my former students that i saw the other month at a bar where i was singing. the cutline said it was me, but it was her.
so i woke up and thought about newspaper retractions. they don't really do any good, do they? on one hand, you've got the number of people who see the cover headline, story, headline, and caption. on the other, you've got the people who see the little "corrections" box at the bottom of page two or so. no comparison. it's fucked-up.

then, i read a short story by stephen king called "survivor type" about this old surgeon who's lost his license and ends up stranded on this tiny island after his ship sank. he was returning from china with two kilos of heroin, which he ended up snorting like crazy after he amputated--and ate!--his foot due to breaking it from chasing this seagull around trying to kill it with a rock. after a few more days of near-starvation, he amputated his other foot--just to survive. and then he carried on up both legs. it ended with him declaring "they" tasted "just like lady fingers." if you are what you eat, he said aloud to nobody but himself, he hadn't changed a whole hell of a lot. :O

so i wrote three pages of emotionally turbulent drivel, and forged a few more lines of a song i've been possessed by for the last month. and in between it all, i've bitten my tongue so as not to snap at my mom, who, in her sacharine attempts to take care of me, is driving me insane. oh, and i gave my bfriend a hard time on the phone about not being here. the bastard.

i know you care immensely.