That's a huge pile of horse shit, Chojin. But it was very entertaining. My coworkers gathered around and had a good laugh.
Why is it that when it comes to military matters, civilians insist on listening to the accounts of other civilians? Let me tell you how it goes.
THE ADVENTURES OF DJ POTATO IN NAVY BOOT CAMP!
Listen as we recite DJ Potato's amazing, heartfelt account of the trials he faced in Navy boot camp!
Since day one the Drill Chief's encouraged him and his fellow recruits to commit suicide! "You're only an asset to the military if you're dead!" they would shout in his ear. The recruits were told suicide was the only way out and when they did finally end it all, the Navy flew a black flag in celebration of their deaths!
"HAHA! Yes!" the Drill Chief's would shout. "Our assets are killing themselves off, one by one! Our plan of world domination ensues! GO FLY THE BLACK FLAG, BUT NOT AS A SIGN OF MOURNING AND RESPECT - DO IT AS A HYSTERICAL JEST AT THE FARCE THAT WAS THEIR LIFE! MWAHAHAHA! BECAUSE WE ARE EVIL PEOPLE WHO LAUGH AT YOUR DEATH! AHAAHAH! NOW KEEP JUMPING, MY LITTLE RECRUIT BITCHES! I'LL KILL YOU ALL IN TIME!"
The Navy was hiding DJ Pototo's mail. His mother sent him a box of cookies and a carton of cigarettes. As punishment, the Drill Chief's forced him to eat the cigarettes, smoke the cookies, then he was forced to do push-ups and eat entire mounds of recruit feces!
DJ Potato knew he couldn't continue this harsh regimen of becoming physically fit and emotionally dependent. He only got 6 hours of sleep a night. Some nights his fellow recruits would sneak up on him in the middle of the night and hit him with bars of soap wound tightly in pillow cases. It hurt his body so much, but it hurt his feelings even more!
He was psychosomatically slain and forced to not talk for hours on end! So far his one-week tenure of inhumanity brought him to the verge of death! HE WAS SLOWLY TURNING IN TO A FEDERAL BABY KILLING ROBOT!
BUT WAIT! Our feeble hero found a way out of the madness! "I'll pretend I'm psycho and they'll force me out!” IT WORKED! NO MORE SUICIDES! NO MORE PILLOW BITING! I CAN GO BACK TO LIVING FREE! "Can I keep the clothes? This pea coat is kinda' cool."
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