Confidence and Self Atseem!

[maggiekarp]

Yeah... I'm completely lacking in this stuff. Even I think it's getting kind of ridiculous when I can't even form a decent sexual fantasy because of it. I thought it was a little over the top myself when my subconcious kept telling me that the only way anyone would have sex with me is if it were completely dark, I had a bag over my head, and my partner was drunk. Or if they were some sick fetishist.

It's not just my looks, though. I feel like I suck in every aspect of life. My drawings are mediocre at best and people only say they're good out of pity (I won second place in a fanart contest, but I'm pretty sure there was some sort of miscount. It's been a year now and I never claimed my prize, no one seems to mind). My writing is terrible: I only get fan mail because I throw in random references that people just eat up, or they're working up the confidence to write to good writers; and the only reason I don't get any hate mail is because my material is so bland and inoffensive. I think I have a miserable personailty, too.

But this just reminds me of something that happened on a hiking field trip...

Me: *huffpuff*
Guy: Hey Maggie, you should stop smoking cigarettes!
Me: No, I need to stop smoking the Twinkies!
Guy 2: ...God, you're pathetic.
Me: Uh, yeah. I know I am. Just look at me.
Guy 2: No, I mean you're pathetic 'cuz you put yourslf down.


So, does this mean that people would rather I be one of those arrogant people who thinks I'm the most awesome person alive, or one of those fat chicks who think they're hot shit so they were clothes that let it all hang out? I desperately need confidence, sure, but I don't want to be no OAO!

Didn't post this on a blog because I don't know the most confident of people. Stopped asking my mom because she keeps telling me she has no respect for pussies.

How can I get me some self-asteem?