I am now a Cultivator of BEES

[McClain]

So I'm watching the television on the couch with my wife when I hear her yell, "HOLY SHIT!" while looking out the back door. I see what can only be described as a giant cloud of bees swarming in my back yard.
Out of amazement, I adhered myself to the window and gazed as they collectively formed a giant bee hive the size of a melon on the branch of a 6-foot-tall cherry tree, causing the limb to sag about three feet.
After about 10 minutes, most of the bees found a place in the pile and there were but a few still roaming the premises. "This looks menacing," I thought to myself.
Out of consideration for my neighbors, which all have small children or dogs, I decided to call Animal Control. This is the conversation I had with some bozo. I swear to god this is true. I omitted certain parts of the conversation, like my address and phone number, for obvious reasons.


"Hello, I'm calling because there are about 500 bees making a hive in my back yard."

"500 what?"

"Bees."

"What are they doing?"

"Looks like they're hanging out on a branch on my tree. Can we do something about this?"

"Well, we'll probably have to wait four days before we'll send someone out."

"Why four days? They're here now."

"Because they're probably in transit."

"In transit?"

"Yes. They come and go."

"Well, there are lots of young children that live around me. And dogs."

"Do you have young children?"

"No, but my neighbors do. I'm surrounded on all sides my young children."

"Are they African Killer Bees?"

"I seem to have lost my Bee Identification Guide."

"You must have missed that episode of National Geographic. *laugh*"

"Yeah, whatever. Can we do something about this today? I wanted to barbecue and right now I don't see that happening."

"We'll come over this afternoon, but only because you said there are children present."

"Yes. Children. A lot of meandering toddlers. Thanks."

"Thanks."

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