Story Time

[Protoclown]

That was an awesome story, Bubba.

I knew a guy in high school who wasn't a loser (meaning he wasn't socially awkward or anything), but he was a compulsive liar, and he would tell stories about how the US Air Force would let him test fly their planes and how he had just crashed an F-15 the other day and boy were they not too happy about that. He also told us about this time he was fighting in a martial arts tournament in China just last weekend, and he managed to get through by seeing an eagle flying overhead, and becoming inspired as he realized it was this one martial artist friend of ours's "spirit totem" (the martial arts guy never talked about anything of the sort), he temporarily adopted it as his own totem and won the fight. We used to totally egg this guy on and pretend we believed every word just so we could see what he'd come up with next.

He had this friend though who was like 30, balding, and quite pudgy, who was an even worse liar (and he WAS socially awkward). He used to claim that he was in the Special Forces (branch unspecified), he used to be a male model, he was a voice actor for Japanese anime (in the original Japanese, not English, though he never did demonstrate for us his ability to speak it), he was trained in the arts of ninjitsu by a Korean guy while living in China, and he was hired as a consultant by the military to test pilot new battle mechs they were developing, because he was just THAT good at Mechwarrior 2. He also had a hideously ugly, fat wife who NEVER spoke once that I saw. They got divorced, and he eventually married a mail-order Thai bride who was also fat and ugly and never spoke in public. I would only see this guy rarely, but hearing his latest batch of outrageous bullshit was a special treat.