I THINK I FIGURED IT OUT

[Protoclown]

WILLIE, THIS IS AN URGENT TEXT MESSAGE FOR YOU!!

I DO NOT KNOW WHO TOLD YOU ABOUT THIS NEW PLAN, BUT YOU HAVE BEEN DECEVIED MY FRIEND! IT IS ILL-ADVISED TO ACTUALLY GO UP AND TALK TO GIRLS!!

I WARN YOU, MY MAN, IF YOU DO THIS THING: THE GIRLS MAY IN FACT FIND OUT THAT YOU ARE A NERD (IF YOU ARE A NERD, WE ARE BEING HYPOTHETICAL HERE ) OR THAT YOU ARE IN FACT BORING AND UNINTERESTING ALTOGETHER (ONCE AGAIN HYPOTHETICAL). IF THIS HAPPENS, THESE GIRLS WILL CONTACT ALL THE OTHER GRILS ON THE SECRAT FEMALE NETWORK AND THEN IT IS "CURTAINS" FOR YOU MY FRIEND!

TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS, BUDDY. YOU ARE BETTER OFF ADMIRING THEM FROM AFAR.