The Definition of a Real Man

[Uncle Otto]

Real men
1. listen to Motorhead
2. grow beards
3. Don't brag about eating meat (but can, in fact, eat lots of it)
4. don't weigh 93 lbs. soaking wet
5. Have ample amounts of testosterone coursing through their blood-tributaries
6. Get tattooed (but NOT because it's trendy- all real men have tattoos from the elbow to the wrist, not tucked away in some obscure nook of the body where they're not visible)
7. don't take shit from women
8. listen to Orange Goblin
9. aren't really into cleaning up their houses
10. Aren't hygiene-conscious to the point of being mistaken for a member of the S-Club 7.
11. think jokes made at other people's expense are the only sort worth laughing at
12. Are not afraid of physical confrontation (attention: feebly spindly indie brats!)
13. Like sharks more than koalas and other "cute" animals
14. Listen to Black Sabbath
15. Drink booze straight from the bottle, not diluted with fruit juice or soda
16. Laugh at pain, and indeed maintain that "pain is just another feeling-- it doesn't have to be a bad one."
17. Don't wear these damned baggy jeans that so many brats are in favor of these days
18. Use the same plate for more than one meal
19. Use newspaper or clothes due for Goodwill to wipe their arses when the toilet-paper's run out
20. MOST IMPORTANTLY-- don't talk very much, and get fucking angered when women go on and on about... nothing at all.