I scare people

[Mike]

I dreamt about doing this to one of my professors one night. Maybe it'll give you some ideas:

Break a glass bottle and holding onto the neck of the bottle, screw it into his back repeatedly while dousing him in salt. Take two airhorns and let them loose directly over both his ears. If his eardrums haven't popped, take em out with chopsticks. Cut his eyelids off so that he can't close his eyes and the eyeballs dry out. Kick him down a long flight of stairs and when he hits the bottom slice off the top of his skull and piss on his brain. If he's still alive force thumb tacks into his skin until he begs you to kill him. Then cut off his arms and legs and leave him right next to some train tracks (but not on them, that way he'll have to wiggle onto them if he wants to commit suicide). Check on him the next day and if he's still not dead, cut him open and extract his stomach and some intestines. Take these various organs, tie them around his neck and fed-ex him to George Bush as a little congratulations-on-being-a-total-fucktard present.

Everything except for the GWB present idea was in an actual dream of mine. I scare myself.