it's repetitive, for one. you don't explain yourself, for another. metaphors are all fine and good, if the reader has any idea what they heck you are trying to convey.
all i got from that was 2 men sitting around a fire with a dead lady arguing about whether or not they wanted the sun back.
also, if you are going to tell a story based on a conversation between two people, those two people need to have separate voices that the reader can tell apart. i, personally, do not like stories based strictly in dialogue, unless the dialogue is extremely witty or compelling.
here's an example of what *i* consider a good story based almost purely on dialogue
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