Features

Mockery · #1

Max Burbank's first short piece on I-Mockery is ironically about... shorts! Check it out!

"An Open Letter to the Parents of the Girl with the Word on Her Ass." -by Max Burbank
http://www.i-mockery.com/shorts/juicy

Enjoy!

Supafly345 · #2

This is the first time I have actually wanted to clap my hands in applause after reading a comedy piece.

cherry · #3

hurrah and thrice hurrah for the paragon of morality that is maximum burbank. working with the pikeys, um I mean public I see this arse writing on young children a lot. i have seen girls as young as 7 or 8 with the word 'sexy' emblazoned in sequins across their bottoms. Given the political climate in the uk where parents biggest fear is child molesters- the popular press would have people believe that there is a paedophile living on every street, it seems rather an inappropriate fashion trend.
plus these clothes are normally made of velour or terry towelling which is just low class.

FartinMowler · #4

You still suck Cherry

Cosmo Electrolux · #5

Quote:

Originally Posted by *FARTINMOWLER*

You still suck Cherry

..and you're still an idiot

pjalne · #6

Quote:

Originally Posted by Supafly345

This is the first time I have actually wanted to clap my hands in applause after reading a comedy piece.

Yeah, Max does that sometimes.

Geggy · #7

i can very mucxh relate to max here. i feel the enormous amount of guilt and self hatred whenever i see shorts that says 'perfect', 'sexy', etc being worn by 10 year olds.

i've seen shorts with 'BROWN', which represents brown university, stitched across the back of the shorts. tyurns me off, you know.

Cosmo Electrolux · #8

I saw a girl at the gym that had shorts that said "spoiled" across the ass...at first glance I thoght it said "soiled" :/

hawaiian mage · #9

I like the ones that say "Angel" becuase sometimes the "g" get's stuck between their ass cracks and spells "Anel."

Which I know is spelled wrong, but it's the thought that counts.

Cosmo Electrolux · #10

WHERE IN THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN???!!!!

hawaiian mage · #11

It was in my Gym class...
So she was probably about 16 at the time... which might make it off topic but I still thought it was funny. A-yup.

AChimp · #12

Does this mean that you're staying?

BTW, good job, Max!

hawaiian mage · #13

It depends on whether I have friends in real life or not.

Lady Ice · #14

as always, a great write up by Max.

and stuff.

James · #15

What would Brawl Hall have to say about one of their own sucking the cock of the member of an "inferior" message board?

Jixby Phillips · #16

today i saw "DRAMA QUEEN" on an ass.

Shiek · #17

What I don't get is why anyone would want to have something writen one there ass at all :/

Carnivore · #18

Might as well say "Whore in Training!" Girls should have to wear tarps until they're 16 at least!

Pub Lover · #19

I think women should wear Burkkas & Yashmaks at all times.

Jixby Phillips · #20

welcome

subterfuge · #21

What I've been wondering since this asinine trend took its societal foothold, is why the fuck are the only people wearing these Ass Books either fat lumpy 45-year-old soccer moms or their afore mentioned 10-year-old spawns? I have yet to see an attractive or thin person wearing this bullshit. I have yet to see a person in the appropo age category. And, I have yet to see a fitting message like "Molester Bait" embroidered on pants sized Junior Small.

So yeah, nice article. Needs more bitterness, though.

mburbank · #22

Thank you all.

This piece was rejected by McSweeneys, a prestigious journal that accepted a piece of mine two years go and has yet to publish it.

As soon as I hit the big time none of you low rent bastards will ever read my stuff for free again.

No offense.

Especially to Mock who publishes my stuff.

But I swear to god if someone ever pays me you won't even get to eat my dust without a 'guest check'.

camacazio · #23

Quality.

Zhukov · #24

If only there were some way to get this letter to all the parents of the world.

Incidentaly, I saw a girl with 'SEXY' in gold lettering on the back of her belt last night. She also had a red leather jacket rolled up at the sleeves, and fingeless gloves. I think she was in some sort of Japanese motorcycle gang. She really looked the part, so sometimes letters on the backside can look good, I'd say.

Just not on kids.