Oh, like THAT's gonna make me feel better. You're pretty insensitive for a fag.
I mean, you're an attractive guy and stuff, but you're...you know...straight. I don't swing that way. It's the love that was there that counts. The most platonic of loves, platonic love.
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Gas and masturbation are highly unlikely to be connected with each other. Have you tried to stop masturbating? Has the gas subsided as a result? Perhaps you could try the same experiment by increasing the times you masturbate daily. Do you notice that the gas is increasing?