UNspeakable..........oh wait it isnt

[Triad-Brother Choi]

Ah, esteemed Mister Chimp, may my condolences fill your heavy heart with relief. I have some very importune information for you.
Alas, I must inform you at this time that you were chosen to excel in the contest run by my highly regarded colleagues of the Triad-Brotherhood quite unfairly.
Mister Chimp, it was your high standing, and ability to defend yourself adequately that led you to be the recipient of the rigged tournament, as we of the Triad were quite certain that we would fail in our endevour to over protection you.
It has come to our knowledge that you recently spent some time in China, & that you behaved quite roguishly, & with much uncouthness, believing yourself beyond harm. The Triad-Brotherhood are very pleased that you managed to leave before any untoward mishap did befall your person.

Best wishes,
Triad-Brother Choi