10 inch dick for rent and talented tongue

[McClain]

Slobberdown_Macockyabich,
Every Great Villain has a Dopey Sidekick. I'd love to be your lackey. Please consider me. I have all the necessary qualities:
I'll echo your sentiments.
I'll follow your brilliant statements with, "Yeah!"
I'll gladly high five you while you get laid and I get nothing.
I don't mind being The Guy Behind The Guy, and I mean that in the most metaphorically homosexual way possible.

Regards,
Your Potential Underling