Awww Bod
I think that was really unfair of him to do that via email without talking to you first. Yes, he is obviously very busy with his degree but there were obviously issues that needed to be discussed about your "friendship".
He doesn't seem to really understand depression at all. The fact that you can have days where everything is wonderful and amazing and the next minute you feel like you're dying inside and not even exercise, drinking and eating healthily can shift that. It really pisses me off when people brush off depression as a temporary mood swing as though its like a hangover or something because its not. It can last for months.
In my first year at uni I was suffering from it pretty much the entire academic year. It was a massive download spiral and I only started to recover when I returned home and was surrounded by people who did care about me.
I haven't had a relationship for over five years now because I'm too scared to let my defences down and be open with someone. At first I found this "invincibility" to be invigorating, but now its a burden and I secretly long for someone that I can trust again. The sad thing is, I've got so many friends who I know would treat me right and who love me the way I am, flaws and all, yet I can't bring myself to jepadise years of friendship on the off chance it will succeed.
I think we all long to be loved and to have someone to love. But love isn't like the movies and sometimes there aren't happy endings. Sometimes we are so scared of being alone that we find ourselves with men that aren't always suitable for us and because of that we hurt ourselves even more.
I know its only been a short time but there's no need to feel shame if you're really upset about it, I know I certainly would be! Try not to beat yourself up about it. Its not your fault he's a jerk!
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