Cans

[James]

What's pretty funny is I read this while I'm watching Clerks.

Not to sound mean, but I'm trying to figure out where to begin, and how to go about giving help. There's a handful of grammatical errors, and a couple of areas that might need to be slightly reworded. Maybe it'd be better for you to go through again and pick out the ones you see, and then leave the rest for your teacher to show you (after all, you're in that class for a reason). It'd be a lot harder for me to point them out on here.

So I think I'll just point out a few things:

You need to work on your scene transitions. This is a story, not a movie. You don't give any hint that the scene has just changed to a different location until someone puts 2 and 2 together a couple sentences in.

Also, I think that when it comes to conversation in a story, the spoken text should be a separate paragraph. Like this:

"Not only did you got in trouble in your current job, and you're certain that you lost the job in the interview," Sarah says with annoyance.

"Pretty much," I say as I look down. I never noticed this carpeting before.

"You're gonna be unemployed. You're gonna be on the streets. I'm certain."

"The earth is playing another big rock show here in Chicago." This line needs to be redone, because I honestly don't know if it's a metaphor or if The Earth is an actual band.

Everything else is just things like "your" should be "you're," periods should be commas, and that kind of thing.