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[Sam]

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How to Piss People off on the Internet Without Being Outright Nasty

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The key to pissing people off on the 'net without being outright nasty involves a few elements.


Steps

1. Catch phrases. They are your friend. Use them often, but wisely. If done correctly, they become board catch phrases, and you can become an icon. Example: "Thanks for coming out! Keep us posted. Let us know how that works out for ya!"
2. Nicknames. Always a crowd pleaser. Twists on another member's name are nice when allowed. If those are not allowed by the TOS, "sunshine", "buttercup", and "cha-cha" always are good for sending someone over the edge, even though you are just being friendly. Nothing jacks the passive-aggressive types better than a well placed "sunshine".
3. Source. Yep. Just one word, and throw in a question mark. "Source?" When used correctly, you can make a google-monkey jump through hella hoops. Then, question the source. Ask for citations, peer-reviewed of course. Always a winner.
4. Self-deprecation. You have to keep the masses on your side. By bringing yourself down a peg before someone else can, you utilize an age-old comedic art that helps your audience connect with you, even if they are mind-boggling stupid twats who are something you would normally scrape off of your shoe.
5. Post dissection. Nothing makes a net geek go ape poop quicker than a line by line filleting of the drivel that they just spewed onto your monitor. Two opposing styles are equally effective: a.) Answering long diatribes/questions with one word answers. b.) Long, tedious replies following every single sentence they post. If they post 7 lines, you hit back with 7 sets of 5 line answers.
6. Kill' em with kindness. "Please..." "Thanks!" "Would you be so kind..." Yup, you may be an asshole, but if Emily Post approves, how can they complain?


Tips

* If called out on it, claim it's just a joke while complaining on your secret board.


Things You'll Need

* Arrogance.
* Inflated ego.
* Pathetic followers.