Sordid Suburbia

[Blue Fox]

i never lived in the suburbs

but i did live in a house out in the middle of nowhere. we had a guy who was supposed to take care of our property for us. His name was Ruben. I say supposed to because he never did crap.

Ex. We wanted a new stove since the one we had didn't work. He went into the barn in the back yard and got a new used stove. The only difference was this one had rats living in it.

Anyway, the guy was all leathery and sunburnt. Me and my sister heard he'd been shocked by lightning 5 times and lived! He was always stealing our stuff (like ladders and hammers we left outside) and after we got my rottweiler Bubba (whose 1 year anniversary of burning to death was yesterday) he couldn't steal out stuff anymore.
(I have a very firm suspicion he tried to shoot Bubba a couple times)

He was uber creepy and all crispy and had no teeth. My sister and i now say, do you want your fries crispy, or Ruben?