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[FartinMowler]

Final Pile Driver Bitch Festival-A Fartin Mowler mystery



Shirley our CSI DNA assistant has just turned eighteen and Mr. Will Graham and I spent the evening teaching her tag team wrestling


Shirley (puts on her bra that holds her giant heaving breasts)

I just received a call about what I thought was pubic hair that we found at James home

Fartin Mowler (puts away various oils and wrestling mat)

And?

Shirley

It seems as though it wasn’t pubic hair, in fact it was from your Nemesis Seth Thomas Pace

Mr. Will Graham (Spent gets up to do some Yoga moves)

Seems as though Mr. Pace was there before us, maybe this will be enough evidence to show a judge we have ample (looks at Shirley’s breasts)...

Shirley (giggles as she does a few bunny hops to her Dummies guide to DNA book)

Ample evidence? We need funding to get to Japan if we want to crack this case

Fartin Mowler

I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t sure Shirley but I know why Seth Thomas is involved in this case and you have been a very naughty girl not to notice some crucial evidence at the scene
Shirley (starts crying and runs out of the room)

Mr. Will Graham

What the fuck did you do that for?

Fartin Mowler

Sympathy sex

Mr. Will Graham

Oh right and what is this evidence?

Fartin Mowler

(Puts on a CD of The Kings of Leon (kings of the rodeo) to cover any possible listening devices

I noticed that the holes that James had left in the walls had a distinct shape that is the Phallic Penis of Christ Key

Mr. Will Graham

A Penis that can unlock some sort of Biblical code or lock?
Shirley comes back into the room wearing nurse’s uniform

Mr. Will Graham

I think I need my temperature taken before we continue this conjecture

Fartin Mowler

I will leave you to this doctor; I think I will fly to The Biblical conjecture museum to investigate this…


I spent the better day flying down to Macon Georgia to meet a Pastor named Ignatius Flamingo

Fartin Mowler (stands in front of a boys school full of young men playing British Bulldog being coached by a

short balding man in priests clothes)

Hello are you Father Ignatius Flamingo?

Priest

Jess I am

(Scene)

Father Ignatius has spotted my partner Mr. Will graham and as he pulls out a sawed off shotgun Mr. Will shoots from the grassy nole killing the Priest and saving me once again.

Fartin Mowler

What the fuck?

Mr. Will Graham

Did you want him to shoot you?

(Scene)

A commotion is happening with all the boys in the school yard and James is spotted pulling up his pants in the middle of a crowd of young boys and then runs towards a field

Fartin Mowler (about to run after him)

Holy fuck?

Mr. Will Graham

That's not James

Fartin Mowler

Don't tell me it's his twin brother

Mr. Will Graham

worse it's a clone and they all have a key shaped penis

Fartin Mowler

We need to find this Holy Grail and stop him....



(Scene)


Seth Thomas Pace is in a Marrakech bar talking to an informant




Seth

Don't fuck with me, I know James is in Japan and I need to know what he is holding

Informant


Only god knows if he can keep it up and open the door to Christ



Seth (tokes on a really big Bong)

What?

Informant

You think too much Mr. Pace, look into your heart and feel the flow of blood and mankind and you will kill the Serpent or be killed by a righteous man

Too be continued ....